Will the father ever accept his baby?
I moved in with a guy friend, I had had a relationship with, after an alcohol filled weekend with him, I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, I said I wouldn't have an abortion or give it up for adoption. He looked up options, wanted me to talk with people at Planned Parenthood and told me how he researched medical miscarriages, so it wouldn't be an abortion. We are both stubborn and just couldn't seem to talk or reach an agreement. I was fearful I would miscarry due to the stress so I left to visit a friend and decided to go back home to be with family because I just wanted some support with my decision. We talked a little on the phone and he said it would be best if I came back to work this out. He knew my mind was made up and I agreed. I want the best for the baby and I believe that to have a mom and dad and he had mentioned how I was taking it away from him, so I went back. The first few days were just "hi" etc. He had said I lock myself in my room, so I tried to be out in the living room or kitchen when he got home from work to hopefully catch him so we could talk. I am not big on confrontations. He finally knocked on my door to talk when he was drunk. But we talked. I felt we had cleared up things but I still wanted to talk when he was sober and work on our relationship. He went home for Thanksgiving and came back cold and it felt like he didn't want to talk. You can tell, I think. I finally asked him how much he hated me and he said I was ruining his life, he couldn't talk to anyone and he would be ok if I left but knew I would ask for child support, and he didn't even know if it was his. He left for a work trip without telling me so I moved out and went back home leaving him a note. We faught again about how I left and how the same things, and he doesn't want to ever talk to me again. I decided to be an adult, appologize saying I had acted wrong, he stood by his decision. I am just wondering if he is feeling guilty for this inperfection in his perfect life and will come around and forgive me and when he sees he is the father and the baby is here he will work with me to be parents to this baby. Maybe he is experiencing the signs of grief, he has other things going on in his life too and maybe I can be something he can be angry at. I know under his idea situations he would want to be and would be a great dad. Any thoughts, or similar situations. I know everyone is different. I just feel bad that I could have done something different when I was there or made better decisions. This is all new to me and I just want the best situation for my baby. And we are both 28 so we aren't young, just two people that need to really grow up now for the sake of our baby.
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4 Answers
You really sound like you are feeling guilty and making excuses for this guy. It does not seem like you have done anything wrong..it takes two to make a baby and being pregnant can be a very difficult time. You should really try to think about what is best for you and the baby right now. A newborn is very stressful on a relationship...even the best of relationships. Also, they never remember or stick to those drunk conversations. If this guy is not ready to support your emotional needs through this pregnancy, you should put yourself by someone who can. You are about to have the greatest love of your life when this baby is born!
I am now married to my son's Dad and we have 2 girls together...
He dumped me at 2 weeks into my pregnancy, only contacted me through email for the first 5 months. After learning the sex of the baby he started calling me over the phone....But throughout my whole pregnancy I did not see him not once.. He shared with me how he felt about his newest girlfriend and how his newest girlfriend felt about me having his first born...ect.. He was the biggest Jerk! After the 5th month I was no longer stressing to him how important he would be in our baby's life, but instead if he wanted to walk way then I was fine with that..
After our son turned 1 month old he came to visit. We acted like the perfect little family. He would fly home (we lived in different states) and return every 3 to 4 months for a few days.
He started paying me child support after he asked for a paternity test. I agreed to the test if only he started playing me child support once I prove my son was his.....He did! He actually would call me all the time asking me how we were doing. I sent him pictures all the time and actually flew to California when our son was 3 months old so that his family could meet their grand-son (I was meeting them for the first time too).....
We became pretty good friends during that time and to be honest with you, all the girlfriends he talked about were never mentioned again after he saw our son for the first time.. Our converstations were full of laughter and joy over our little boy..
My son was 15 months old when we decided to see if we could have a relationship and live together... In the beginning it was hard because we had a challenge.. We had to learn to love one another! Some where down the road we did learn!
We now have 2 more kids together (I have a daughter that is older than our three) and got married somewhere down the road of this crazy little life of mine.....We paid for three marriage license before I actually could say I do, but I finally did!
I love him! He loves me! He once thought our son was a burden, but after seeing the sonogram pictures he realized that maybe that burden was after all a blessing.......
So, follow your heart......If he is worth the risk then let your heart lead the way... If you think he isn't worth the risk then move on with your life.. You have plenty of time on figuring out whether you want to push child support. He is the father so whether or not he wants to admit it, there is a baby on the way..
And you guys started out as friends so this actually could lead to avery loving relationship whether or not you two actually end up as a couple....He is probably really really scared right now...Once he gets over that scare feeling and has time to think it all over I bet he'll come around..... Just give him a little space to grow up and pray hard that he'll do the right thing..
I pray Angels over you and I do hope you have an awesome pregnancy.......Stay healthy, my baby was born early due to all the stress that I put myself under and it almost cost him his little life.....Always know you have a choice on the stress part...Get out and keep your mind busy on other things and less on the guy.. It is hard to do, but you can do it!
Good luck and Congratulations on your pregnancy!
trinity_rayne
I'm sorta in the middle of that too. My parents went through a divorce when I was young so my brother and I were dragged through it and faught over which was even worse. But anyways to my point, I'm 20 with a 17 month old and his dad will not talk to me at all. He doesnt even think Ben is his or anything like that. But just like the other post you need to think of what is best for you and YOUR baby. The best thing to do is just not talk to him anymore and because its betta not to fight with a baby around. If he wants to grow up and take responsibilty then let him in your life again. Ben and I are doing perfectly well without a man around. So you and your baby can too.
No one can tell you what is going to happen between you and the baby's father. You will hear more horror stories, success stories, stories without an ending, etc. Not a single one matches up to your unique circumstance. But one thing is for sure - you will do what is right for your baby, even if that means avoiding him until he decides to grow up and become responsible. You need to avoid the stress and the drama while you are pregnant. While some stress is a given - you are pregnant afterall - it is the undue stress that is unjust to your little one. Just try to enjoy the good times and throw away the bad - as hard as it seems. Some men flake out and turn into complete idiots when they find out a woman is pregnant, but come around later on. Others will always be flakes and you really are better off without them. There just may be another man to fall in love with you and your little one someday. You will get your fairy tale, try to enjoy the ride along the way. Best of luck.