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What is your "sleep style"?

By pattireis00 | 2 years 13 weeks ago
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Welcome to Sleep Forum! Sleepy Thought I'd get the ball rolling by getting us each to talk a little about our "sleep styles", or what we've done with our children when it comes to sleep. It's clear there are so many ways to approach this, from co-sleeping to "cry it out." But there's a lot in between too! I'd love to hear what's worked and what hasn't for you. I personally have made many mistakes but I hope I can use some of the knowledge I've gained if and when we have another kid. We fell into co-sleeping. My daughter actually was sleeping for 7-hour stretches when she was about a month old, but it's been downhill from there. Sad face She hit a phase at about 2 months when she started waking up a lot more, and my husband and I caved and started letting her sleep with us. Now, I don't entirely think this in and of itself was a mistake, because we got lots of cuddle time (sometimes this was all the cuddling we got, not because we didn't try, but because our daughter was extremely busy and wiggly, and just wanted to see the world rather than cuddle when she was awake), and in the beginning it allowed all of us to get a lot of sleep. But our biggest problem was a lack of consistency. Sometimes we'd start feeling the pressure from outside sources -- namely, parents and in-laws -- and decide to try to get dd into her crib. Which would also have been fine, if we'd stuck to it. Unfortunately, we went back and forth A LOT. Some nights she'd do pretty well in her crib, but the next night she'd cry and cry, and we'd let her back in the bed. I believe this set up a bad pattern where she wasn't really sure what to expect each night, and then when it really came time to move her into her own bed, it was tough. And still is, I'm sorry to report. But we've made a lot of progress, and things got much smoother when we realized our mistake and decided to focus on being consistent. That's it in a nutshell. I could talk more about what we're doing now and what I think I'd like to do next time around, but I don't want this to get too long. Now it's your turn! P.S. Please tell your friends about this group! I'd love to see it full and buzzing....

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19 Answers

Big smiley I have two boys. One is now 7 years old and the other 4yo. I was an older mom with the first (35yo) and had some strict thinking about how and what I would do with a baby. I had watched my friends. I'm a NICU and pediatric nurse. Then I had Charlie. I breastfed. He was allergic to milk, corn, and soy. No formula would work. I had to eat a strict diet of meat and vegetables and fruits and no processed foods. He was up every two hours until he was 10 monhts old. He slept in his own crib. I was afraid I'd roll on top of him. At 10 months I weaned him off the breast and got him to drink enriched rice milk. He still slept in his crib. At one, he finally had a sleep pattern where he would go to bed, and fall asleep without crying. But, that was months of torture. I had tried the no crying it out method. I had contacted a Dr. Jeffrey Hull. Hismethod is basically the Super Nanny's method. But, it didn't work. If I was in the room he was more pissed. So, I had to let him cry it out. It took two nights of crying for 6-7 hours, I sat crochetting outside the door sobbing. It is not easy!!!!!, but he finally would pass out, with no voice, (it was horrible) . Then my husband lost his job and I had to work full time. I"m a nurse so I worked the 3-11 schedule so I wouldn't miss the mornings with Charlie. He always woke up at 5-6am. My husband then started sleeping with Charlie in his bed. My husband found a job a year later and Charlie was in our bed for good. Charlie is now 7 years old, has been diagnosed with ADHD and apraxia of speech. He still sleeps with me. He's scared to death of the dark. He doesn't want to be alone. WE've had a horrible year, finally getting to the bottom of his speech difficulties and school issues. He's a loving kid. He's not aggressive. He tells me "God just made me a snuggle bunny. . So, I'm not going to try and get him out of our bed until maybe Christmas. WE watch supernanny and I tell him. If she came here, you would have to sleep with your brother!!! He loves the show, but is not buying the content. . Now, my second son was heaven. He was an easy baby. I found out my left breast doesn't produce as much milk (hence Charlie was eating every two hours). Danny breastfed and then took a bottle afterward. he slept 4-6 hours from 10pm till 2 sometimes 4am. That was the first month of life!!! He was heaven. In hiis crib. All this time, . Then, he became 3 years old. And competition started. He still would sleep alone, but he won't be outdone by his brother. i don't care. I need my sleep. I'll get Charlie out eventually, and then Danny will be fine. As a mother of two older children now./....NEVER< SAY NEVER....That word has caused me to be nipped in the behind !!!!!! Smiley.....All babies are different. Some are easy, some are more work. Don't compare with your friends or your family. They don't always tell the truth I have found out. And ultimately, it doesn't matter. Keep your children happy. My husband and I now have sex in the middle of the day during the kids down time , while they eat lunch and watch SpongeBob. During the school year, it's during lunch break when both kids are at school. My husband travels a lot, but when he's home, works out of the house. You can make anything work!.....have a great day gals. Raising good kdis is HARD. A lot harder than I thought it would be!!!!! .dian

Dian
mother of two beautiful boys

--la layette c'est chouette!--
--- le neopapa c'est moi---

--la layette c'est chouette!--
--- le neopapa c'est moi---

Dian,

I can really relate to your "never say never" lesson! I have these moments all the time since I became a mom! My big one was, when a good friend was pregnant (about a year or so before I got pregnant myself), she was telling me about some moms she knew who were still breastfeeding their kids at like the age of 2. I remember saying to her, god, that's so weird. Is it really necessary to breastfeed a kid that long and isn't that just kind of sick?

Oh boy. Well, my daughter is 2 1/2 now, and, you guessed it, she still nurses. Just at naptime and bedtime, and I've been very firm on that for a long time now. The thing is, it was partly my reading on breastfeeding, and partly my own observations of my daughter that led me to realize that it's perfectly natural, and is certainly not going to hurt a child or make them overly attached. Same thing with sleeping. Some kids seem to need more closeness at night and don't deal well with being alone in a room. You are right, Dian, you can make anything work, and as long as your spouse is on board and your child is happy (and you're not exhausted as I was before we go my daughter used to being in her own bed), then you must be doing something right! And, when your child has special needs like ADHD, then the extra cuddling probably helps.

Dian, will you join the Sleep Forum group? The link is http://www.mothersclick.com/node/15380. I'd love to get updates on how both your boys are doing!

Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area

Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...

Thanks for sharing!

My story is a bit different as we took another apporach with both kids. I also believe that there are so many options and everyone has to do what's best for them.

I also should say that I was blessed with a really good sleeper first time around. We actually put her in her crib about 3 or 4 days after she was born. It was tough at first, she was so tiny laying there all alone. But she slept about 4 hours at a time and then at 10 weeks, after one night of about 45 minutes of crying (starting at 4am) she has slept through the night! And I mean EVERY night except for one when she was sick and woke a few times crying.

So I've never really had to deal with a lot of sleep issues. But like I said, we decided to go the CIO method so that the kids would be able to soothe themselves and fall back asleep on their own. Our second one also slept through the night fairly young (I think it was at about 7 or 8 weeks). With her it's more an inconsistency on when she'll wake up.

Sometimes I'll hear her at 5 am, I let her cry a little (usually less than 2 minutes) and then she's back asleep. I found that if I get her up really early to feed her, she just falls right back asleep, so I figured she didn't need to be up then anyway. She's 5 months and we're working on getting her into her sisters room, but the early waking is my biggest concern.

We're going to give it a try in a few weeks, I'll keep you posted Smiley

Definitely keep us posted yogamom! It sounds like you've got an excellent sleeper on your hands. It's funny, you say you've done the CIO method, but if your baby only had one had night of 45 minutes of crying, I wouldn't even call that CIO! When I think of CIO, I think of babies crying for several nights on end. I think those are the ones that sometimes need the warmth and comfort of being close to the parents. I could be wrong though. Either way, good for you. I definitely envy the parents of good sleepers. Smiley I wish I'd had you around when my daughter was tiny -- everyone I knew was letting their baby sleep in the bed, and all the books talked about the "horrors" of crying it out. NO one talked about just consistency or anything in between co-sleeping and CIO. Of course, if I'd listened to my mom...(I guess I probably would have if she'd been around more, but she was with us the first week and then there was a gap before she came to visit again..during which time our patterns were set).

You hit on another of the big lessons I learned: the value of letting your child learn how to soothe him or herself. Having my daughter in the bed with me, I didn't even think about the fact that I was constantly reaching over to calm her whenever she fussed. Now she's still learning to self-soothe, and I'm regretting that big time. Again, that's not to say I regret having her in our bed, just that I didn't give her that chance to learn how to calm herself. And unfortunately, at 2 1/2, she's still learning. But I think that also goes back to our inconsistencies. With our next baby, we'll put a co-sleeper right next to our bed for the first few months at least. And I'll know not to immediately rush to comfort him or her every time he even rolls over in his sleep (yes, I was that bad). Between that and putting the baby down for a nap or bed when he or she is sleepy but not asleep (also part of the learning process for self-soothing) I think we'll be fine. I feel like I've lived the pros and the cons of co-sleeping with a baby, and I sure hope I can do it right the next time around!

Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area

Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...

I agree, they are all different! And we are in different stages of life with each one as well. Let me introduce myself first Smiley I live in Texas and am a SAHM to 5 wonderful (most of the time Winking smiley ) kiddos. My oldest is 8 and the youngest is 4 months old. I homeschool and cloth diaper so my friends think I'm a little nutso but I'm really just like everyone else! I love my kids and try to do what's best for them just like any other mom. Anyway- on to the topic!

MY 1st-Sarah- was a great sleeper. I'd have to wake HER up at 9 the next morning just to see if she really was okay. No probs there. We started early with having her put herself to sleep while we patted her back in the crib. She was a cinch.

#2 Robert-wasn't so easy. I remember rocking, wlaking, and bouncing him for hours while he cried. We found out at 4 months that he had reflux and that helped the crying a great deal. He still wanted to be rocked to sleep so we'd do that. When he was old enough- 8 or 9 months maybe, I can't remember anymore- we let him CIO and soothe himself back to sleep. He cried for a while the first night but the very next day I put him in bed for his nap and he fussed for 10 minutes and then was quiet. We had to do this as he transitioned to different stages of napping. It's hard to remember!

#3 Kaela-She was an easy baby and slept fairly well. We don't co-sleep because I'm such a light sleeper and it keeps me awake! I've tried with my current baby. We eventually let her CIO when we knew she was old enough. I've used this with most of my kids and they are such good sleepers now so I can't complain! They all loved me just as much the next day and knew that I loved them too.

#4 Eric-He's 2 now and still in his crib. He doesn't seem to want to go to a bed so I'm in no rush to mess with a good thing. He hasn't even thought about climbing out of it so I think the new little guy will be in the pack 'n play for a while. We can't let him cry it out. He throws up when he gets upset- like within the first 3 minutes. Not fun!! So we "rock-a-rock" and then go and tell everything goodnight. "Good-night piano, fishy, bathroom, pillow" and he's good to go. He sleeps with his brother so if the older one gets up we have to do bedtime all over again because Eric wakes up.

#5-Joseph- He's only 4 months so there's not a whole lot to do at this stage. He gets up once to nurse still and sometimes he wakes when my dh gets up at 4 to get ready for work. At that point I just put him in bed to nurse and then stick him on my husbands side of the bed, lol. Lately I've been putting him in the bassinet when he's super tired - but not crying-becasue-I'm-tired. Yesterday I put him there for a sec while I helped my oldest with a Grammar question and we heard fussing and then nothing. He'd gone to sleep on his own! Yes! So I'm going to see if he'll keep that up. Before that he would get super fussy once a night and nothing would soothe him- not even nursing. Finally he'd go to sleep. I'm thinking maybe he was overtired and it's that busy time of night that he doesn't like.

For my children when they are older- even starting at 2- something that has helped is listening to music or stories on a CD. I have a few CD's that they love. Their Grandma made one of her singing and telling a few stories that they really like too. I look forward to getting to know everyone here!

HA! Must be the name! Robert, my one year old, is an insomniac! I just let him cio now, I have to just to get any sleep. He did have GERD, so lifting the mattress on one side (he slept in his carseat the first 3 months!) and putting rice in his formula helped a little, he just never wants to sleep! It's getting better, though. So that's a relief.

Anita Burnham
www.anitaburnham.com

Anita Burnham
www.anitaburnham.com
Visit my group Potty Training on MothersClick

My Robert slept in his carseat for 3 months too! That's too funny!

Welcome Lena! It's neat to read stories from a mom with 5 unique perspectives. Smiley I have to remind myself sometimes that yes, a lot of the sleep difficulties we've had have been our own fault, but some of it can be attributed to personality too. Even before my daughter was allowed in our bed, she had a difficult time settling down. I just found myself giving up after awhile because she'd start crying and she wouldn't calm down.

I don't regret not letting her cry it out, because she was extremely intense from day one, and she'd go from calm one second to completely over-the-top wailing at the top of her lungs inconsolably the next. Once she got to that point, it took anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour to get her calmed down again, and that was using all my resources. Or I'd just have to wait til she finally cried herself to sleep, but I had to be there near her. There were times when I just had to put her down and let her cry because I could not do anything else. But she never calmed herself down even then! It was at that point that I started letting her in my bed, and we were able to get some rest...for awhile...

Lena, I like what you're doing with your 4-month old. That's exactly what I want to try with my next one! Let us know if it continues to work.

Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area

Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...

Well, so far it seems to be going okay. I just have to wait until I know he is REALLY tired. Almost asleep on me. Of course I still LOVE to snuggle him while he is sleeping so I still do that too Winking smiley This morning he woke to nurse at 4am and then was WIDE awake and smiling the biggest smiles ever. How can babies be that happy that early? So in to bed with me he went and I nursed him again so he would fall asleep. I eventually did move him to his bassinet though because he was really fidgety on the bed, then he went into a deeper sleep. Now I need a nap!

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