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I would try to look at the situation holistically as well as from a developmental perspective. Is this behavior totally out of the blue or rather a more extreme version of how our daughter typically behaves? For instance, our 2 year old is naturally stubborn but during times of stress becomes ridiculously uncooperative. Has something changed in your daughter's life? The obvious is a new sibling and I imagine that the 7 month old may be increasingly more demanding of your time than before. Your daughter may not express it, but is it possible she's having difficulties adjusting to having a sibling? As far as sticking things in her mouth, a common response to a new sibling is reverting to more baby-ish behavior (e.g., refusing to use the potty once potty trained, insisting on drinking from a bottle). Could this be her way of trying to get your attention and to be "babied" again? Toddlers can feel some ambivalence about growing up in general. It can be simultaneously scary and exciting to "be a big girl" and adding "be a big sister" on top of that could be pushing her over the edge in terms of her emotional and psychological resources to cope. I'm not suggesting she's pathological in any way, just having difficulty with a normative transition. Also, the hitting is a typical behavior in toddlers. Just about all toddlers act out aggressively at some point in time even if they have no model of aggressive behavior. It's likely because of their limited coping skills and difficulties verbally communicating their feelings.

The reason I bring all this up is that in order to determine the appropriate parenting behavior in this situation, what specifically is going on for your daughter needs to be taken into consideration. What are the underlying reasons (beyond normative toddler type things) for her behavior? Overall, my advice is to stay as calm as possible. I know, it's hard. I have a hot temper and when my son started throwing tantrums or doing things on purpose that he knew he wasn't supposed to do, I would react emotionally and it only made him escalate to get more of a reaction out of me. Time outs were never effective and he couldn't care less if I took something away 99% of the time. If the issue is attention, then I would suggest doing whatever is possible to give your daughter positive attention. Do "special" things with her, take her on "special" outings, etc. Maybe something that you haven't had a chance to do in a long time? Also, lavish on the praise for when she's behaving well. And ignore bad behavior. Attention, negative or positive, is highly reinforcing. If ignoring is not appropriate (e.g., choking hazard), here's what we say, "We don't put things in our mouths. It's yucky and you could get hurt. You do it again, it's gone." If our son does it again, we take it away for the rest of the day. If he protests, we ignore it. He's learned by now that we're serious and we follow through so if he doesn't want something taken away, he won't do it again. As far as the hitting, when my son hits or gets aggressive, I get down to his level, hold him still, and tell him we don't hit, it's not nice, and it hurts. Sometimes I tell him he needs to apologize. I also try to offer him an alternative - e.g., tell me what's wrong, use your words, etc.

Wow, that was long. Hope it helps!

Mama to Three

It is so typical of a 3 year old. I have one of those! And it is my third. People always say the terrible 2's...but I always thought 3 was worse. They have their own sense of wanting to be dependant, as well as knowing how to push your buttons to get your attention. I find with mine, when he acts out...if I stop and look at the whole picture, he is craving attention. And in your instance, that baby is getting it in his eyes...so why not act like a baby! Makes sense, our husbands do it too! I would just say to try and spend as much one on one time with her as possible...without the baby in the room. Good luck! It is not easy, my first two were 21 months apart.