terrible 2's
I have a 2 1/2 year old daugther and as of the past couple weeks it seems like her terrible 2's have gotten 10 times worse! She use to handle time outs very well but now everytime I put her in it she throws a fit sometimes in the chair sometimes on the floor, or she'll run away and I have to keep bringing her back, also sometimes she even starts banging her head on the wall or floor! Dinner times are terrible too, she never sits there and eats, she'll take a bite and then get up to go play. I dont let her get away with it but I'm tired of the constant battles with her. I've heard from a few people that sending children to their rooms for punishment is not a good idea becasue their room is suppose to be their safe place, but I've had to do it a few times because I just couldnt take it anymore. We try not to spank too much but OMG nothing seems to work anymore...I just dont know what to do. It's very embarressing at times too because I always think people are looking at me like "that woman doesnt disipline her kid". I just dont know how to handle her anymore, help me please!!!
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8 Answers
Hi! Im Alexis and have been a member here for awhile-- longer than my profile says cuz I had to make a new one. My hubby is in the military and we are on base. My daughter is almost three and i have an almost three month old little boy.
Anyway... do NOT let your guard down. Alexa never went through terrible two's but I believe because we stopped it before it got t o that point. I have watched children go through their terrible 2s and really it's just a time in their life where they realize THEY can test YOUR limits... that's really all it is... to see what they can get away with, how much they can get away with. When you STAY CONSISTENT and keep at it, they too will get tired of it and realize they can't get away with it.
We also try to avoid spanking... we use the corner and Alexa HATES it. It's not an abusive form of punishment and it WORKS. You, however, might have to stand there right beside her because she might try to get out.... she'll after awhile realize that she cannot get out. Now we don't have to stand by alexa when we send her to the corner because she knows, but when we first introduced that form of punishment we had to explain to her ... she'll try to get out... keep putting her back in. When she is in there, tell her WHY she is in there and is she does not do that anymore, she can get out.. make sure she says sorry.
For instance, if she's eating dinner and keeps getting up, give her warnings if she still doesn't listen, sit her in the corner. Tell her why she's in there and then ask if her if she's ready to eat. Tell her if she eats, she can get out and won't have to sit there.
Don't give her the opportunity to run away from her "timeout" that's your part in her punishment is you standing there... if she throws a fit while in the corner, keep her in there still.. she'll realize throwing a fit isn't going to do anything. Keep trying to tell her to calm down, when she calms down and does what she asks, THEN she can get out.. until then.. she has to stay there.
I've had tons of experience with all types of children as I have watch TONS of kids over the past 5 years, so hopefully that helps!!
~*Alexis*~
<3 Mommy to Alexa 11/17/04 and Aiden 6/5/07 <3
~*Alexis*~ <3 Mommy to Alexa 11/17/04, Aiden 6/5/07 and baby Ashton6/30/09 <3
Hi Priscilla,
First, take a deep breath, and remember that we all go through this! I totally know what you mean about being embarrassed by this in public. We're glared at when our kids throw tantrums, but we're glared at even worse (and risk being turned in!) if we discipline them too sharply in public. Grr. But don't worry, these phases rarely last forever, especially when you're doing everything you can to stop the behavior.
I think the key at this age is consistency, but also a willingness to be somewhat flexible on smaller things that don't matter as much to you. For instance, during meal times, could you let her get down and play somewhere quietly while everyone else is finishing? I know my daughter, who is an excellent eater, sometimes goes through phases where she's just not as hungry, and thus it's harder to get her to stay at the table. It may be important to you that she learn to stay at the table while everyone eats, in which case that particular idea might not work. But I'm sure you can find instances where you could bend a little.
The idea is that kids this age are struggling for some sort of control over their lives, so letting them have some where you can stand to do it can help them feel in control, and they're less likely to throw tantrums on the bigger issues that you absolutely will not bend on. This has worked fairly well with my daughter, though I promise you she still throws tantrums sometimes! I let her choose, for instance, what she wants to wear (I let her pick the bottoms and then grab two tops that will match and let her choose from those). Or I'll let her choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch, from a few choices I give her. Then she has to eat what we eat for dinner, unless it's something spicy or whatever, then she gets fishsticks which she always loves.
Finally, I use this tactic even when she's misbehaving. If she screams because she wants me to keep "rewinding" her video, I tell her she has the choice to either keep watching without me rewinding or I can turn it off. That stops her in her tracks every time. She knows it's up to her! Another example is at night when she doesn't want to get in her bed. I tell her, you can get in bed yourself, or mommy can put you there (she loves to do everything for herself). That works every time!
If you give specifics about when daughter is acting up, I can try to offer more specific advice.
Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
Patty,
Alot of the things you wrote I already do with my daughter. Like picking her own breakfast or lunch. I let who choose between a few different things but then still if I dont sit at the table with her and constantly remind her to take bites, it will seriously take an hour or more for her to finish, and by then her cereal is really soggy or her sandwhich is getting stale. It is important to me that she sits down and finishes her supper with the family though.
I also let her pick her clothes out sometime to, but then later in the day she'll decide she wants to wear something else. Which I dont allow her to do and most of the time ends up in a temper tandrum. And here lately she has started peeing in her panties (may I add that she has been potty trained since last December, so this is no accident) because she wants to wear a new one and she knows this is the only way I will allow her to get a new pair. I think it's because we buy her character panties and she later decides she wants The Mermaid instead of Dora, so I bought some regular white panties (yestuday so I havent had to use them yet) to make her put on the next time she does it. And oh...she will NOT be happy when she see's regular white panties LOL.
It's just really hard staying consistent because I also have a 4 month old son to take care of and it seems like everytime she throws one of her tantrums and I have to try and keep her in time out, which takes a looong time, my son is also needing me and crying as well and I have to ignore him to take care of the fit that is going on! Which usually the reason why she gets away with the things she does, because I dont have the time to deal with her and feed and take care of the baby. I am going to really try though because she is getting too bed, and its honestly only been the past maybe 3 weeks tops that she has been doing most of these things.
ALEXIS, thanks for the time out in the corner tip. I dont know why I never thought of the corner, I use to have to go there all the time when I was little! lol I'm going to go look for a good corner in my house right now!
THANK YOU GIRLS!
Wow! I read the problems and tips and thank you!! My daughter just turned 2 in July and is starting to act up a little bit! I will try your tactics right away and get myself prepared for what is to come!! THANKS GALS!
Debra- Mommy to Alexis 2
Debra- Mommy to Alexis 3 and Austin 6 months. Wife to Chad for 6 years
I agree with the consistency advice. I think that is the key. My kids are older, 18 and 15, but I remember the terrible 2's like they were yesterday! Talk about trying my patience. It will pass though, each age brings new and different challenges. For me personally, it never accomplished anything with discipline to send either of my kids to their rooms. Get real!!! Too much "fun" stuff to do. I always sat them at the kitchen table with nothing on the table. If they got up, I kept putting them back on the chair. But when I was in the process of doing that, I did not speak to them. I would pick them back up and put them on the chair, not saying a word. Eventually they realized they weren't going to get a rise out of me and they quit getting up and did their "time"
Like I said, sending them to their rooms never did anything to help the discipline, but there were times that I sent them to their rooms for a few minutes until I regained my composure and sanity to where I could deal with the misbehavior in a constructive way. Another thing I did alot was to give them a choice. Don't give them more than one option, they can't process it in their mind. If I was at the grocery and one of them started acting up and wouldn't quit even though they were warned, I would say "Okay, here's your choice. You can behave and let Mommy finish grocery shopping, or we can leave now and go home so you can sit at the kitchen table." That's what worked for them. It took one or two times of me actually leaving the cart sit in the middle of the aisle for them to catch on that, hey, Mom means business. But you could substitute and put in whatever punishment works best for you. Whether it's taking away a favorite toy, earlier bedtime, no TV, no Happy Meal-go home and PBJ it instead, etc. Just make them realize that you will not tolerate how they're acting and let them choose the outcome of the situation. Toddler years really are a rough time, you just have to put your foot down and be consistent no matter how hard it gets. Just appear to be in control (even if you're actually not at that particular moment!!!). Be persistent. I know it doesn't seem like it, but this rough spot will pass and you will be able to laugh about the tantrums. Just the other day I was laughing with Levi (18) about the time he was about 3 years old and threatened to run away from home. He still remembers it. He got mad at me, screaming, kicking, the whole nine yards and said he was running away, and I looked him right in the eye and said "you want me to help you pack?" He got real quiet for a minute and answered, "No. I don't know how to get to Memaw's." Then he was over his fit and wanting to play with me. Hang in there, it does get better. And don't worry about what people think when you're in public and your kid acts up. They wouldn't be able to handle the situation any better!!!!!
Oh, I just thought of this. When my daughter (second child) was born, my son (potty trained) regressed when his little sister was a few months old. I like your white pantie idea
Good one!!!!! We went back to pullups with him, after having to wear pullups to preschool two days a week, he figured it was better to stop having accidents and to wear big boy pants like the other kids. I think first babies go through big adjustments when the second baby comes along. Though they need extra assurance and some TLC of their own so that they feel that you still love them, you can't let them get away with murder. It sounds to me like you are doing what you know you need to do. Just hang in there!!!!!!!
I just wanted to add a couple more things after reading Alexis' answer. First, to reiterate her point about time outs. If you use them it does take practice to get the child used to it. I didn't really use them with my daughter until recently because she's SOO busy, it was just too difficult to get her to sit down. Instead I usually took away the offending toy (she usually got in trouble for standing on things) or sat with her on the couch until she calmed down and then I'd tell her why she couldn't do what she was doing. Now we have her sit on the last stair of the staircase because it's the only place in the living room where she can't see the tv. I make sure there are no toys within her reach, and I have her count to 30! (Yes, she really can count to 30, and I found that's about the longest I can get her to sit.) Also, for me standing by her time-out area did NOT work. She would try to challenge me by getting up repeatedly, and then I'd just end up getting mad and escalating the situation. So it may not work for you either. Just something to think about. When we did start using time outs, I would just repeatedly tell her to go back to the area if she got up. Now she knows she has to stay there.
Good luck!
Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
Oh Priscilla, I just read your response above (it wasn't there before I posted my last remarks). You really do have your hands full! I can see my feisty daughter pulling some of those same stunts. I am so sorry your daughter has figured out the peeing in her panties thing. How horrible for you!
I definitely think going with all white ones will be a great idea. Keep us posted on how that works! It's amazing how creative we can be when we have to. 
Other than that, the only thing I can think of is, if you have a four month old in the house, your daughter may just need a little extra attention. I don't know whether it's possible, but if you can get away from the baby for a short while, even an hour or so, maybe you can take her out for some "mommy and me" time. Of course, you may have already tried something like this, and I admit I'm not really speaking from experience since I only have one child so far, but I've heard a lot of parents say giving the older child some alone time can help adjust to having a new sibling.
Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...