Home | MothersClick – Connecting. Learning. Sharing.

You can't really control what her mother does or says. But I would really suggest your boyfriend find his daughter a good counselor who does not write her off and say one day she might just go crazy. Find someone who is sympathetic and who can actually help the situation and not just write her off. Someone who can give you constructive ideas that might actually work. It might not even be a bad idea to get her into individual counseling then you and your boyfriend attend with her for family counseling (with the same counselor) on an ongoing basis. As a side note, I wouldn't try to be a friend to any of your kids. They have many friends, but you're the only parents they're going to get and that's what they need. She has a mom, you won't be the "mom" but you have a wonderful role as a stepmom. Spend time alone with her doing things that don't cost money and don't involve buying her something. And don't put conditions on doing things with her. Don't say "if you're a good girl, we'll......" Show her that you enjoy just being with her even when she's not so nice. Even if you have to fake it for awhile. Blending a family is hard, but is is very rewarding if you stick it out and work together. Best of luck to you and congrats on your baby!

I would be concerned, and protect myself and my new baby and my 9 month old. At the same time she may be lashing out because her mom and dad are not together. And she probably views you as "the one" who caused her mom and dad to be apart, even though you aren't. She definitely needs counseling like you said, and probably for awhile. I sure wouldn't tell her counseling is punishment, she'll feel guilty for needing to go. If she had a broken leg, you'd take her to the doctor and get it fixed...mental health is no different. A lot of what she is saying is most likely for attention. She knows exactly what to say that will shock people and get her the extra attention. All you have to do in our society today is watch TV for 5 minutes and you can get morbid ideas like that. If you haven't already, take away the TV and the computer. It won't solve the problem, but you're going to take away the opportunity for her to add fuel to the fire. You need to take care of yourself right now, I was high risk pregnancy for both of my kids. And believe me, you need to make sure you stay as unstressed as you can. I'd keep talking to your boyfriend, and bring up the counseling issue and see if you can't convince him that needing help emotionally is no different than needing help physically. Let him know your fears. He needs to be the one that dishes out the rules to his daughter. You don't have that respect from her yet, and until you do she's not going to follow the rules anyway. Make sure he does it. If you are totally uncomfortable during the day I'd stick her little hiney in day care. Keep trying to find new day cares until one works, maybe there are special programs for problem kids in your area???? It'd be worth checking out. Another thing I would consider doing is to keep a log of each incident, including what happens at day care. Things she says and does that are inappropriate. Get her into a counselor this summer and have them back you up. I'm sure you could petition the court to require the mom to have her in counseling during the school year when you aren't with her if you have documentation stating that it would be negligence NOT to give her treatment. Her acting out is way beyond what you can handle on your own. I have a daughter, and at age 9 she was a drama queen. By age 13 she could have won an Academy Award doing her little drama queen act. So not to scare you, but if it isn't dealt with it's not going to get any better as she ages. You and your boyfriend are going to have to work this out together. Hang in there...