Question
Rude Girls
My daughter is on a sports team with 4 other girls from her school. The parents have arranged a carpool for practices and some of the games. The girls are all 13 close to 14 years old. These girls don't talk to my daughter. They either ignore her when she says something or they interrupt her. This has been going on for a few weeks now. I would love to hear some suggestions of what I should do. I can tell this hurts my daughters feelings and, of course, affects her self esteem. My daughter thinks they do this because she is not considered "cool" and popular.
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5 Answers
Well.....I am not sure if this would be the solution; however, what I would do.....next time they're in "MY" car.... I would probably do something like this:
Greet each girl as they enter into your car... "welcome aboard team-mate!" After they are all in the car ask them this:
Aren't all of you girls on the same team? ( wait for their response...) Then you'd say, "YOU ARE?" then add..... "Well, specifically what is your definition of "TEAMWORK?"...then add... "What is your ultimate GOAL as being a part of a team?" ( add this ) "Would you all agree that a team should be unified?" What if there was a couple people who weren't in unity or team oriented?" ( wait for their response) How would that effect the team?" ( Or ask them if that really didn't matter?") You girls are lucky to have the opportunity of being on an actual TEAM together because you are actually receiving HANDS-ON-TRAINING for when you are older and are in the working-world....more or likely you will have to be around people who have many different beliefs, nationalities and religions etc. So in a sense what you're now learning from each other is "HOW TO BE a TEAM and be UNIFIED!" Treating each other the same exact way that you yourself would like to be treated in return. A business will not succeed if their employees aren't having ONE THING in COMMON....LEADERSHIP and UNITY. Because that is the way a business operates and how they stay in business. The same with a sports team....the team can't win if the team-mates are not getting along and encouraging one another to WIN.
Although it seems like something simple right now... it's no big deal we arejust playing a sport; however what you all are learning is how to accept each other for who they are no matter where they live, what the color of their skin is or relgion they practice...you girls are showing how to be UNIFIED.... not just for your coach or the school...but most importantly you are doing it for "YOU!"
Look at the way the parents have become unified together in car-pooling so that it takes the weight of all those practice trips. Because of UNITY! We all believe in our children and therefore we are working as TEAM-MOTHERS in geting our children to their practices!
I just thought I would share that with you all because I know sometimes it can be very overwhelming when you attend several practices weekly not to mention constant pressure from game stress. Hopefully now you can all feel better about these boring practices!
I am not sure if that would work for you, but I just thought it would be a way of "BREAKING the ICE" so to speak!
Good Luck to YOU!!
Patricia
Sadly, people of all ages can be rude and it's especially hard on young teens. I wasn't very popular at that age but I found my own crowd and maybe that's what's called for here.
How much does she love this sport - does she love it enough to take the bad attiude from her teammates? Maybe she'd be better off involved in a different activity with kids who she's more comfortable with.
I know it would be nice is we could get kids to accept each other and get along, but seeing as how many adults have the same problem, I just don't see how it's possible.
Looking back on my teen years, I know that the more insecure I was feeling, the more people seemed to pick up on it. Teenagers more than anyone have a natural ability to prey on the weaknesses they perceive in others -- probably because of their own insecurities. What my mom used to tell me is true -- she needs to learn how to rise above it. She should focus on the things that make her happy and that she is interested in instead of worrying about trying to fit in with these girls. Easier said than done, of course. But I like Cynthia's suggestion of finding out how devoted she is to this sport. If she's not really that into it, she might do better finding another activity that suits her interests better, and where she might fit in better with the other kids. However, if she really does enjoy the sport, her commitment and contributions to the team might win over those other girls, with time. She needs to be able to tune them out enough to relax and enjoy herself when she's playing. Sometimes it just takes time to find a place in a new group. These girls might have already been friends and that usually makes kids more likely to scrutinize any newcomers (actually, I think adults are the same way). Finally, you might want to look into other alternatives for getting her to the practices and games...as a last resort.
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
I don't have a suggestion to this situation, but I don't know about the suggestions of her finding another sport if she's not that into this one. Doesn't that kind of teach her to run away from problems/issues? It might be that simple, but it's just a thought I had when reading it. If she just hates this sport, that's a different story, but if it's not like that, I wouldn't pull her from the team because of this. I'd think it'd be showing her that it's okay to run away from things that are hard.
It physically pains my heart to picture my baby girl one day getting her feelings hurt like that
I'd want to pull her from the team faster than lightning-UHG! Those girls!
But, I know it's sometimes a part of growing up, unfortunately.
I do think Patti hit the nail on the head about insecurities. Maybe finding ways to build her self-esteem would be the best for this situation. I don't know her personally, of course, but maybe you've noticed things that she does that make her more outspoken and feel confident
Bringing out those traits as often as possible couldn't hurt!
The very best of luck to you and your precious girl
this sounds terrible and unfortantly i know how she feels, i wasn't very popular either; so if it was my kid - i would embarrass the ones that are being rude to her. i would stop my car if a certain conversation was taking place making my daughter feel uncomfortable and confront the child, right there in front of everybody, explain to the girl that we dont do that kind of stuff, it is not exceptable. If she doesn't want to change her attitude she can get out and walk!!! Speaking from personal experience, it never happens in my car anymore. This isnt correct either, but when it happened to my son I picked out certain parts of their friends apperances that wern't perfect, and told him that when they start making fun of him or ignoring him just be thankful that you don't wear glasses or braces. Unfortanetly this is not correct behavior, but atleast my son is not coming home crying anymore, and the other kids know to respect each other in my presance. GOOD LUCK!