My husband "not ready" for a baby

I didn't have to convince my husband, we wanted it together. If I had thought for a second that he wasn't at all interested in having a child with me, or would have been difficult to talk to about it and wouldn't "try" to conceive, I would not have married him.

 I do know that he was upfront with me from the beginning of our relationship and said flat out that he wanted to be sure we were in good financial standings first.  The only thing I could do was agree strongly as it's the right thing to do.  I did tell him upfront too that I wasn't interested in waiting until I was well into my 30's either.  We were able to understand how each other felt and respected it.  We then after being together for eight years (I'm 31 and he's 33) decided we better get started and "knew" it was time.  Our baby is due June 2007.

I personally think that if you have to convince your husband to have a baby, it's a relationship that ready for doom. 

I understand that men get freaked out at the thought of a baby and it's for many reasons.  Healthy discussions and time should help you get on the same page about it, especially if he's struggling.  However, I don't think it should become a topic for disagreements in a relationship. 

A Mate and a Baby are 2 of the most important choices in life.  I was previously in a relationship with a man who was successful with his own law practice and climbing the ladder to success, though he provided well for me, even though we were not married, I chose to leave him.  I wanted more of a home life and more of a man who was child friendly.  This was the best choice I have ever made.  I was very clear that I wanted a family and I also wanted to be a stay at home mom - both of which my husband gave me.  Being in our mid 30's we bought the house first, had a small wedding and made sure we were financially secure - which proved to be the right way to go.  My first child was healthy, but my second, who came 11 months later was not.  He was born c-section and immediately transfered to Children's National Medical Center in DC - for the next 8 weeks we struggled an emotional roller coaster while also caring for our 1 year old daughter.  Without the strong emotional bond and desire for our children we would not have made it through.  Thankfully, all is well, all is healthy - but if he had not wanted a child - it would have ended our marriage.  Think before having a child, if your husband is not ready, either discuss when he will be or move on...

these ladies are correct, "talking him in to it" may not be the best idea,   but let me say this, you are never really ready, there is always a better financialsituation to be in a better time a better something, just be stern with him.  Tell him that is important to you to begin trying and ask him why he really is not ready, men are scared, we were trying and waiting month after month to get prego, when I finally was my husband said "oh s$#T what are going going to do now" he was scared, as the pregnancy went along he got better and then when the baby arrived he was scared again.  He went through all the sterotyical stigmas, not want me to breastfeed as they were "his" (he was mainly joking and when the baby came he insisted I breast feed) what I am saying his a lot of his issues may be of the unknown so talk it through with him and yall will do whats right...

Wo am I glad to have found this forum! Guess what, I want to start trying to get pregnant too. I'm 37, my boyfriend is 40 and we've been together for 2 years. Last year I got pregnant twice (we hadn't discussed kids, passion just took over). I lost both. The first one very quickly, so no freak-out time allowed for boyfriend. The second at 10 weeks. My boyfriend totally freaked out and it was the worst experience of my life. As soon as i felt strong enough i left him. He pleaded for months for me to come back. I finally did cause I am still in love with him. Now 1 year later I started discussing the possibility of a family with him but he says he's not ready. I'm not quite sure how to handle this. I feel upset and angry and scared i'm going to miss a chance to have a baby altogether. I wish I was with someone who could see baby-making as an exciting journey with me. I know my boyfriend is just really scared and afraid of the responsibility. I don't want to trick him. I want him to be into it. I think I am going to try and help him get used to the idea by talking gently and lovingly to him. And set a date formyself by which if he hasn't changed his mind I leave him and start searching again in the big wide world for someone else. 6 months? What do you all think? Sisters, your advice would be so so welcome!

I know how you feel i have been married for 9 months and as a couple we have been togother for 4 years well anyway my husband and i have been talking kids since our first date and have decided to have kids (someday) well my someday seems to be coming up faster then his so i have been talking more and getting him use to the baby stuff. And he has warmed up a lot to having a baby and we are starting to try right now. So keep your hopes up and just be honest and firm with your boyfriend and if he is to scared to have a child with you and see's he stud farm running away in the distance then he's not worth keeping around. Good Luck

love,

one of the sisters