Question
I want dAdDy!!!
My daughter always wants her Daddy. We are recently separated, in the process of a divorce & to add to the stress of everything that is going on...my daughter seems to hate being with me. She cries for her Daddy so much. Sometimes I just have to take a moment away from her & shed some tears over this preference before I can face her unhurt.
She will be 3 in January. Anyone have similar stories with a wonderfully positive I love Mommy outcome?
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7 Answers
That is a tough one! Divorce can be a difficult time for us as well as our kids. Young children often experience separation anxiety when faced with significant changes even if they never experienced it at a younger age. I'm afraid there is no simple fix for this.
The most important thing you can do is to just be there for your daughter emotionally. Understand that her desire to be with her dad is not a reflection of her not wanting to be with you. It is her way of working through the anxiety of not having her dad in the home anymore. A way of mourning the loss of her intact family. A way to cope with her stress.
Your empathy and understanding will help her through this. Statements such as "I know you miss your daddy," etc., will help her feel safe and see that you understand her pain. In addition, working with your ex on ways to ease her through this transition can be helpful as well, e.g., allowing her to call him on a regular basis, putting together a daddy photo album with pictures of her and her dad together, setting up regular visits and keeping things amicable between the two of you is helpful as well.
Best of luck to you during this difficult time!
The Mentor Mom, www.thementormom.com
She's never sad to leave me...not glad to see me & I give her nothing but my best. I give her all the love that I have & try to do everything I can to make our home a happy one. I just don't understand what hold daddy has on her.
It's tough to be empathetic to her when she is digging into my wounds.
Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions, it really is appreciated.
Please get a grip. It sounds like you are the primary care taker - which means your daughter is always with you. She doesn't prefer her daddy, she just doesn't see him as often - thus missing him. Divorce is hard enough without you thinking your daughter doesn't like you - right now you need to be strong and show your daughter what a strong, independant woman is. Understand she is a child and you are the adult and act like one. Set a positive example and she will follow...that's what kids do, follow what thier parents set an example for.
Jennifer, Lusby, Maryland
I hope things are going bettter for you and your daughter. I recently went through the same thing, my daughters were 2 and 6 at the time of the separation. My youngest had major separation anxiety from her dad for the first few months, but it did lessen, and now he has been gone a year, and the anxiety and tantrums are gone. I think if you just remain strong and just know that you are her rock, it will help. You just have to remember you are the one that is going to get her through this difficult time and that's what really matters, to you and to her, even if she doesn't know it yet.
Best Wishes.
Hi. I have recently faced a similiar situation. I am a single mom of a 5 year old girl. Her dad and I were together 9 years and he recently decided to up and take a new job, and wife, and move to a different state. Our daughter has always been with me, but she was devastated to know that she would not be seeing him because he was so far from us. That was 5 months ago, and now, unfortunately because he has chosen to not call, write or phone her more than once a month, her memory of him is fading fast. I know that divorce is hard on your daughter, but the most important thing for her is to know that she is surrounded by people who love her and that will always be there for her. it is your job to understand that she does not know how to cope with these feelings, and that her ill will is not directed at you...Just love her and be ther for her, and in the end it is all gonna work out.
The reason I came across this was because I am beginning to find myself in the same situation. My daughter's father and I were seperated when I was four months pregnant - I moved out of state, and he missed the whole first year of her life. We decided to try and work it out and moved back in together and now at her age of three we are seperated for good. At first she hardly would ask for him, but lately she cries for him. Whenever I tell her no or give her a time out, she cries for daddy. Please tell me how single mothers with expereince deal with this? How these dads get to swoop in and be the good and fun one? They just spend a day together and he buys her toys and does fun things. We have to do the day to day stuff and I am always the only disiplinarian. He also hardly contributes financially - it makes me sick when she runs to him and hugs him and I know he hasn't paid for a thing! I didn't have a dad and the last thing I would ever do is keep her from hers, but this is harder than I thought! I know I am the adult, and I would not model anything else for her, but how do you deal with the stabbing pain inside. When she is fresh and snaps at me and asks for her daddy, how do you be the mature one and fight back the tears. I would love to hear what veteran moms have to say about their experiences.
Anyone have any profound advice??