Question
I wan to have a baby but my husband doesn't want to?
Hi I'm 22 and my husband is 30 we've been together for 3yrs. and we recently got married in March 09. I want to have a baby and my husband doesn't he says I'm still young that maybe within 5yrs. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage 5&7 a boy and a girl and whenever we have them for the weekend I see the way he acts and he's very loving and caring I get very sad and most of the time I'm very depressed. What can I do or what can we do I've tried talking to him about it but he always either changes the subject or he just doesn't want to talk about it?
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10 Answers
You really should listen to him. If you really love him then you'll wait for when he's ready. We had our first at age 30 and I'm SO glad we did. Enjoy your younger years and just enjoy your marriage right now...
~Pretty IN Ink~
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My husband and I are near in age but we had problems conceiving. The years of not having children gave us the opportunity to travel, enjoy ourselves together (alone) and get financially stable.
Don't fear waiting...
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You married in March of this year, not bashing but you are very young and NEWLY married. Take some time and enjoy having your husband. I waited until 33 to have my first child. I am so glad I waited. I have been able to enjoy my young years. I did things I would never have gotten to do with a child in tow. My son has enjoyed a nice stable and secure life many of my friend's who had children right out of college have not been able to give their children. Your husband has been down this road. When he says he wants to wait 5 years, he wants that honeymoon period you to have to last a while. The days when you two can do... when he doesn't have his kids. Once you get pregnant the honeymoon is over. He is 100% on call to be a parent as are you. For the first two years couple stuff is gone. There is absolutely no time for it and this is where many marriages crash and burn. After that you don't get any unplanned couple time without a week to make childcare arangements. Honestly my child is 7 now and any time my SO and I can eek out a night without our son we are stuck between trying to decide if we want to go out for some long forgotten adult entertainment or a chance to stay home have long noisy sex, before bedtime with the bedroom door open. I think that's what I miss the most about having my son. Sex in the morning or after work in almost any room of the house. Now the last one to sneek in the bedroom has to make sure to LOCK the door and we both must keep the noise muffled.
Please don't think your missing out not having a baby right away. Take some time and enjoy being married. I love my son intensely but I am also very glad my SO had two years prior to his birth to have time for just us.
I had got pregnant at 21 had two miscarriages then got pregnant at 22 had my daughter at 23 the got pregnant again and had my son at 24. Maybe you should sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and that you should both make a decision that you both agree with. There is nothing wrong with having a baby young! I love my kids and praise God every day for them! Good luck! Don't give up if that is your dream! Being married is a team decision not one way!
SAHM in their 20!
I think you should wait until you're at least 25. I also agree with the other comments. Don't rush. You're still young and should enjoy your time together alone. I have 3 boys and sometimes I can't get my family to watch them so me and my hubby can have some alone time.
By your hubby being a bit older and have kids already, he's pretty wise with his decisions. Trust me, he's making the right choice by telling you to wait.
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I got married young and had my first baby at 21 and I have loved every minute of it! There are times when I regret some things we can't do as often now (we can't just go on date nights or go on big trips) but I love being a mom and my husband loves being a dad. I think if you try to present your feelings in a way that doesn't attack him or make him feel pressured you can come to a compromise. Maybe find a babysitter and cook a romantic dinner to help him relax before you talk?
I have a husband that is much older than me and he has three young adults by his first marriage so when we got together he didn't want kids because he had raised his from diapers by hisself but I did so we talked about it after we had been together some time and decided to try to have one. It wasn't easy for me to concieve my son it took us over two years to get pregnant. I would change anything in this world but just take your time and enjoy your marriage. You will get pregnant when the time is right. Trust me it happen to me and it will happen with you.
I don't think you should pressure him about child right now! I believe it should be both of yall decision and not made upon just one person. Its not about what you want or he want but what both of you want.
You're only 22. Take some time together Have some fun.. After you have kids, it's going to be a looooong time, before it's just the 2 of you again. Give it some time.
I see everyone is saying this, but it's true: You are still so young. You have time to wait. Your 20's should be fun. It's okay to wait.
If know you love your husband and you want children, but you should wait until you are both ready to add children to your new marriage relationship.
As you know, a child is a huge responsibility, emotionally, financially, etc. It's better to make sure you're both ready for the child. How close are you to his kids? Since you are a stepmom, perhaps you can try to forage a deep relationship with them to help you through this time.
5 years really isn't that long to wait to start. But, don't be sad when he's affectionate with his kids. That's what a dad is supposed to do. Hopefully you can also feel like you are part of this family, in your new role.
Take care.