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sorry to hear this, it must be painful.... I was in juvenile hall as a teen myself and the way my mother delt with it was to take it day by day, and staying close to the gospel of jesus christ made a big difference. It's not easy, but when you have GOD in your heart everything just seems much lighter! Or easier to cope with. How long will he be there for?
mamalila***
His arraignment is in Nov. and they are ask to settle for 3 years. I truely believe in God taking over, however, I am trying to understand why this happened? Yes he was with the wrong people and I am not sure but drugs and alcohol was invovle, but I am so angry. he wasn't raised this way and I raised him in the belief in Jesus, I am just so sadden by this and even when I turn it over to God, I keep feeling guilty! Thanks
Try not to feel guilty this is not your fault. He just made some bad choice's along the way... 3 years is really not that long as he will only have to serve 2/3 of that and what evertime he has sitting in the county jail will come of the top of his time as well. so in reality he may only be serving about a 1year and a half.....then he will be on parole until he reaches the 3 year mark... Hopefully he will learn from his mistake and move forward.....I can tell you from experience that when he does get out it will be hard for him to adjust to the real world as the system does not help them when they get out with any kind of programs to help them fit back in to society and its hard for them to get jobs. I had my son go back to college so that the good out weighed the bad. He final got a good job. But it was not easy for him at all.
I am so sorry to hear this. I don't have the words to make you feel any better. I would agree with MamaLila. Taking it a day at a time is the only advice I can give. I am so sorry.
Thanks for the reply and I turn it over to Jesus every day sometimes several times a day to cope,, but I still feel guitlty and angry!
I've never gone through something like this (except that I did get into some trouble as a teen too..never prison but there are some stories there), so all I can add is just hang in there. Tell your son what you shared, that you are angry and disappointed, but you love him just the same and you will give him whatever emotional support he needs to get his life back on track afterwards.
Don't make excuses for him or allow him to make excuses, but do try to help him understand (as you learn yourself) what factors in his life led him to this path. Ask him to consider not going back to that group of friends and seriously think about what he wants to do when he gets out. Hopefully he can find a more productive path and feel better about himself so he doesn't find himself in this situation again. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Let him know there is hope for his future, but it is up to him.
One thing I have learned in my own life is: no matter what our individual circumstances, we ALL make choices every day that affect our lives. Taking responsibility for each and every one of those choices -- even if it's just choosing how we respond to a bad situation we didn't ask to be in -- is a HUGE step in taking control of our lives. I wish you all the best of luck.
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
Oh, I'm so sorry-I can't imagine the feelings you must be having. I am sure you have guilt. What parent doesn't feel it when their children's lives aren't anything but perfect
I have a one year old and I know that anything that happens that isn't wonderful, I will blame myself. I would imagine parent's think, "I made this person! I shaped them! I am responsible!" and although that is all true, every man and woman has their own "path" to take in life. We have choices to make in life, but we do not have control over what God has in store for us. The best we can do is make the decisions we believe are the best.
It scares me, but gives me comfort at the same time. I am so excited for the future of my daughter and unborn baby, but also terrified of what is in store for them. But I have to trust in God's plan for us all. This life is so temporary. In a blink, we are gone. When we stop and think about why we're here in the first place, not always, but sometimes, these things can make sense later.
Maybe this brings your son closer to God. And if it doesn't right away, or even years from now, maybe down this road, it does eventually create some understanding for him. Sometimes we have to hit bottom to really "see" ourselves.
I think the advice the others have given is the absolute best: all you can do is pray, pray, pray. Keep showing your son know you're there for him. Ask for God's guidence in what to do and say in all of this. Talk to friends and family who encourage you.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with thee.
Sorry to hear that your son is going to prision...I have lived this kind of life with my own son for 15 years and each time he got into trouble I just died inside. There is no real answer to make you feel better. No matter what friends and family say to console you it does't seem to help. No one knows better than the moms who have already lived through this with a child the heart ache you feel daily when your son is in a place like prision. Hopefully he will learn a lesson from this and make better choice's going forward. All you can do now is to be there for him because I know all to well that they still need their mothers love and support. You can only take one day at a time and love him no matter what mistakes he has made. My son is now 29 and it took all those lessons of hard knox but he did turn out to be a good man after all was said and done. So from one mom to another keep strong as your son needs to know you are there.
As a mom I have great concerns as to the futures of my two sons. Alcoholism and addiction is a disease and this disease runs in our family. I have found help getting recovery from the effects of a loved ones disease thru Al-Anon family Groups. I have know control over my childrens futures nor do I want to control there destinys. This is the job of a power greater than myself. What I can do is bring recovery into there lives by learning about the disease and the effects it has on myself as well as my children. Education and understanding have given me a chance of living my best life and mirroring healthy lifestyles to my beautiful boys. I am sharing my personal situation becuae I feel your pain in your post. You too can help your son and your family and yourself by the help of Al-Anon. I suggest you check it out. You can start by looking up Al-Anon in your search engine. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
As a survivor of raising a teenager, i offer you my most heartfelt sympathy. Seems to me parents just do the best they can, and sometimes the kids come out fine and sometimes they run into trouble. I think the thing i learned that got me through the worst times was that you can have kids that make major mistakes, but it doesn't mean you're a bad mom. You can do everything right, and still find yourself in this situation. Reach out to parents groups at the prison - the prison social worker will have resources for you - you're not alone.