One thing that's been very effective for us in the past (our daughter is 3 and 3 months now) is to give her choices. If I ask her to do something, like get into bed or pick up a toy, and she resists, I say, "Do you want to do it or do you want me to do it?" 9 times out of 10, if not more, it worked for a long time. She's so independent that she hated the idea of me doing something when she could do it herself. We've gotten completely thrown off our routine being in my mother-in-law's house for the past 5 1/2 months, so I'm not sure if it would work as well now, but it did work when she was around 2 for several months.

That said, there does come a time when you need to walk away. They reach an age where they'll push because they know they can. That's when you say what you want or give your answer once, with an explanation if you're in a patient mood, then leave it at that. If they argue and throw a tantrum, it really does work to ignore them at that point. But at 2 your son is just looking for you to build those boundaries and teach him, as Anita and yogamom said. If you're also explaining yourself most of the time when he's not throwing tantrums, hopefully the tantrums will be few and far between. That's how it's worked for us. A little extra patience DOES pay off in that you end up with a happier, less frustrated child. Try to see things from his perspective: he just wants to have a little control in his life and doesn't always have a way to tell you what he needs.

This can all be hard to explain to a partner who doesn't see things your way, so you might try out a few tactics when he's not around, and then demonstrate for him how well they work later on! Good luck!

Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum