How to manage your daughter's new relation (she's an adolescent mom)
My youngest daughter (19) is mom of a precious two years old little girl. She's not married and althouht has a good relation with the father (now), she's dating with other boys, as it's normal. She studies in the university and obviously she meets there many guys. We, her mother and father, take care of the baby when she goes to study as we live in the same house. That's not a problem at all,as I have a wonderful woman that helps us and there are my other daughters too. Well the question is this: the father of my granddaughter is a good boy. He works in a not so well remunerated job but buys her food and sometimes clothes to his baby. He comes to visit her sometimes and as I say has a good relationship with Mariana (she says that she loves him as a brother...), my daughter. I do appreciate him a lot as a son. The fact is that she is dating with a boy now, a very good guy, as it seems, who likes the baby too. Some times he comes to our house and gets along with Aitana (my granddaughter) and have a good time and I use to have good conversations with him too. But in doing so look likes to me that I'm betraying Aitana's father. What do you think?
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5 Answers
It's always an iffy situation because eveyone's motives and personality seem so different. Lucky for you, your view on the situation allows you to see from another perspective and that means the emotional protection of your family. You have to and want to have a relationship with your daughter and grandaughter. That leads to knowing all the men and their roles in her life. Because it is your job to guide her and share your wisdom with her you HAVE to know both of those young men. The baby's father has an important role in his daughters life and a relationship is immenant for all of you with him. But you also need to have a relationship with any young man whose intentions are to eventually join your family and join your life. As long as you stay true to the emotional protection of your family you will be able to balance the two without betraying anyone. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing!
Really really thank you very much for your words. And it's so important what you say: "you have to know both of those young men", I will do it for sure! I have noticed too that my daughter wants a kind of approval from me and that's because we have been allways very close. Are you a grandmother too?
Actually I am a new mother and seeing it from a daughter's perspective. I am so grateful for the friendship and wisdom I recieve from my mother and with your perceptions of the situation you sound a lot like my mom! I think that is so neat!
I don't think you're betraying anyone. It's natural to want to know more about the people in your daughter and your grandaughter's life.
It shouldn't matter who can do more for your granddaughter . What matters most is how they treat her. I've known dads that don't have two cents to rub together but they give their children all the time in the world that they could ever ask for. As long as your granddaughter is loved and is surrounded by people who love her she will be fine and by you getting to know any man that comes calling and takes an interest in your daughter and granddaughter, it shows that you are an involved and loving grandma.
I can see why you might feel conflicted but there really is no need to.
Hugs to you!
Things are so clear from your point of view, I was quite sure about my feelings that I wasn't able to see the sun after the rain. I have gone through a terrible time when my youngest daughter got pregnant... and then suddenly assume a new role as a grandmom... those were quite hard times... Well, but now watching the smile of my adorable granddaughter or the way she call me "mamama", wipes all the difficulties away. Thank you from my heart.