Question
Having Kids close in age
I have a 3 year old daughter and a 5 month old daughter and just found out I am 7 weeks pregnant. Absolutely not planned. My husband does not want to keep the pregnancy because he said it will be too difficult. I am so confused and so torn. I don't know what to do or what the answer is. Is having kids so close together that difficult? Will my oldest one suffer? Just the thought of his wishes makes me unbearably upset.
His concerns are.. what my employer will do/think, what we will do for day care - his mother currently has both 3 days a week and 1- 5 days a week while the older one is in a preschool...I am the primary income for our family.
I wish I had the answers...
Anyone ever been in this position?
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17 Answers
Hi there,
I know it must be hard to be in this situation and to have all these questions weighing you down. Especially with your body and emotions just coming down off the last pregnancy you had. I don't have answers for you, I have not been in that position but I wish I was! I wish I could get pregnant that quickly and have children that close together. I think it will be wonderful for the children to have siblings so close together. I don't think your oldest will suffer she will most likely rise to the occasion and be a great mother's little helper.
Your husband sounds like he is in shock! I am sure you are as well, with the financial constraints this will put on your family and day care options etc. First of all your empoyer will accept it and must allow for it, it is the law! Do you belong to a church? Could you find day care help in your congregation? Could you speak to a pastor about this? I beg you please don't terminate the pregnancy! There are so many people that would love to adopt a baby who can't have children of their own.
You obviously don't want to stop the pregnancy, give you and your husband some time and talk about it together. Or talk with someone else about it! Talk about other options besides terminating the pregnancy. Also talk about how you can prevent this in the future!
I wish you all the luck and I know good things will come of this!
Erin
The final say so will all come down to you. Your husband cannot force you to do something against your will and could you forgive yourself? I work in an ER and last night a 22 yr old came in and lost her baby at 21 weeks right in our ER. It was so sad and really bothered me so much. I think people find ways to deal with challenges they are given and it is what makes us stronger. I have a 3 month old (our 4th child) and if I found out I was pregnant right now I would keep the baby. Good Luck to you!
Oh let me tell ya I have twins and a thirteen year old when I found out I was pregnate with them I was so worried that she would get upset and be left out. And I dont believe in abortions and I did not plan to have any more kids believe me One was enough... so I said That is not going to happen I said to myself. I included her in everything she was nine going on ten at the time and she came to all my doctor apptments I included her in everything and she loved it. And as for your job let me tell ya mine was understanding then after my maternity leave they changed boy what a shock they said that I had to find a full time baby sitter for the twins so thats when I decided to be a sahm/wahm. I know what it is like to try to find daycare for two little ones and its not easy I know how tough it can be. Let me know if you need to talk
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As much as a difficult time this is for you and your husband, you need time to process all of this. There are millions of parents that are in this same situation and they all leanr how to survive. Please take it from a person who struggled for years to finally have a baby, please research other options besides termination. They are so many loving people waiting for a child to call their own.
My guess is once the shock wears off, you and your husband will be ok with the situation and will make things work. I wish you all the best.
Mommy to beautiful Avery Jane
Mommy to beautiful Avery Jane
My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you were brokenhearted when your husband suggested you terminate the pregnancy. That's something the two of you will need to talk out even after you've made your decision. Just take a deep breath, and listen to your heart before you do anything. Your baby will at least be around a year old when (if) the new baby arrives, so try to think of it that way. Talk to your mother-in-law too, to find out if she's willing to watch another baby. If not, I would encourage you to look for lost-cost alternatives. They are out there. And look to your friends and family for support no matter what your decision. I don't mean to try to talk you into keeping the baby, but I do feel like there tends to be a lot more regret after an abortion, or even after putting a baby up for adoption, than after having a child. That's why (among plenty of other reasons) it's not a decision to be taken lightly (as I'm sure you know).
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
You sound like your in a super hard situation. My mom also had this same problem. She had me, my brother and sister and I , each one year apart. She was ready to abort my sister (the youngest) and then she changed her mind at the last minute. She is very glad that she didn't abort her. My sister is so wonderful and I'm so glad that she got a chance in life. She collects money and food for the homeless and is the most level headed awesome person that I know. I am not judging you, but want to ask you to please give your little baby a chance. She may become the best thing that ever happened to you. Just like my sis who has blessed me and my mom so so much. Please carefully consider.
Good luck.
Thank you all for your input. I am keeping the baby. My husband does not discuss the situation with me and when I try to discuss it with him he gets upset and says that I am not listening to him...well, my response is that yes I am listening and yes I am hearing you and understanding you, however...I don't agree with you and there is a huge difference between the two which I don't believe "you" understand. Since that comment from me he has not discussed the baby with me. It will be difficult at first going through the beginning stages of the pregnancy alone but I will deal with that. It is really the least of my problems
I sure hope your husband will come around. Maybe when he sees how determined you are it will ease his fears (because it does seem like his reactions are coming from fear) and he will be more ready to move forward with you. I'm sorry you had to make this decision alone. You are being very brave and doing the right thing. Please keep the group posted.
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
I agree. You are standing on your decision (which is ultimately your decision) and doing what you feel is right in your heart. I'd probably back off and give your husband time. Let it sink in that he's not going to change your mind, be positive about your pregnancy, and give him time to get over the shock. Hopefully he will come around, if not, then you will handle it. Get your friends and family behind you for support. I do have two older biological kids from a previous marriage, I'm remarried now and in the process of adopting two toddler brothers. I suffered through three miscarriages. One of the pregnancies looked like it was going extremely well, then I tripped over the cat and fell down an entire flight of stairs. It immediately led to another miscarriage. It has been some time, but every day I struggle with the guilt of feeling like I killed my baby by falling down the stairs. I don't really like talking about it, but your post touched me and I am glad you decided to keep your baby. You have made a very difficult decision on your own and I do agree that you are a very brave and strong woman. Best of luck to you, I wish you and your new baby all the best.
I am back and here it is. I got home from work last night and my husband was holding our 5 month old daughter looking at me very strangely...He finally has agreed that although it will be tough he cannot ask me to do something that I feel so strongly against and he has come to terms with our 3rd and FINAL child...I am going to have him fixed!!!
Thank you all for your kind support. It was tough because I did not want to share this with friends and family because they have a personal connection to my husband and I would not want to have them have ill feelings toward either one of us.