Question
Getting kids to sit down at the table
Does anyone have toddlers/preschoolers who refuse to sit down at the dinner table? Do you just let this go by or try to give some sort of time out or punishment?
Both my son and daughter often want to keep playing, and sometimes eat no dinner or might have a snack such as yogurt later.
- Jen
Click to add these tags to your Interests:
Read more: 
6 Answers
Yes, I have the exact same problem!! My 2 year old would love to skip dinner every night. Sometimes it really bothers me (especially if I have prepared something special for her).
Someone once told me that with toddlers, it's important to take into consideration what they eat in a week, rather than on a daily basis. Maybe if your kids are eating a good healthy breakfast and lunch, then dinner isn't quite as important.
Of course, that doesn't bode well for family dinners. I'd still like to get all of us to sit down together, but at this age, it's tough. I do find that when I serve something my daughter REALLY likes, she'll sit and eat, but I can't do that every day- she'd get no variety
I don't punish my daughter if she doesn't eat her dinner, to me, there are enough food related issues to deal with in life- I don't want to add to those!
Good luck!
I never punished mine for not eating at dinnertime either, though I withheld snacks for an extended period of time before and after dinner so that they learned they needed to eat at dinner time. That seemed to work really well. I didn't cater to their demands and they weren't allowed to bring toys to the table. And I expected them from a very young age to at least sit with the family through dinner. My youngest didn't like it, she was in a high chair until she was about 3 1/2 just to keep her there! But in the end they caught on. We still have dinners as a family today, and over the years it has led to some great memories and great conversations that I might not have gotten otherwise. (Though as they got older, some of those conversations probably wouldn't have been dinner party appropriate!!!) So however you decide to handle the actual food issue, I would push the issue of them participating whether they're hungry or not by at least joining the family at the table. To this day there are times when my son who's 18 will just sit with us because he's not hungry. But now he wants to join us!!!!! I think that's kind of neat. Anyway, you can start by setting small periods of time for them to stay, and gradually increase it as they age. At the same time though, you have to make it a point to include them in conversations even when they are little. That shows them that you value that time together as a family. If you start this when they are little at home, I think when you go out to eat at restaurants it makes it easier on you because they know what is expected of them with their behavior.
Thank you both for your responses. I guess I have to chill out a little. I like the idea of requiring them to sit for a certain time even if they aren't going to eat. And we have to be careful to include them in the conversation.
Jen
something that has worked *awesome* for us is to encourage our daughter to sit at the table with us, but let her know she doesn't have to eat if she's not ready for dinner. we allow her to bring a coloring book, workbook, book, or small quiet toy to the table. as long as she's sitting with us at dinnertime it's fine by us. the coloring or small toy usually sparks conversation about her day.
we also give her a very important job - saying grace before the meal! which she is very proud to do!
and after she's up at the table, she usually ends up eating
hope this helps & best of luck,
MamaHall
mama to Haile Jo (almost 3)
and BittyBaby (due 07/01/08)
MamaHall
I grew up in a family where we all ate dinner alone in front of a television in our bedrooms. Yuck! So, I am pretty much committed to all of us sitting together at the table every night. This is just what we do. Toys are put down, and the TV is off, dinner is the focus. My kids don't always eat what we put in front of them, and sometimes they don't eat at all. They also don't always make it all the way through dinner, and that's ok. Sometimes, it is unpleasant, but we get through it and try again the next night. So, I guess I would say remove distractions and set up a clear expectation that everyone will come to the dinner table. If there is nothing else going on, and mom and dad are sitting there with smiles on their faces, you will win them over, especially if they are hungry and there is something yummy on the table. Also, if it doesn't turn out well, just keep doing it till it does. We have more good conversation and opportunity for teaching at dinner than any other time of day. My husband has been able to take a very active role in teaching the kids manners. He has taught our daughter to thank me for making dinner every night and to ask to be excused from the table. Now my two-year-old son is starting to copy her. It is fabulous when my so cute little guy looks at me and says, "Thanks dinner, Mama! Is yummy!"
My son is only 18 months, but sometime she doesn't want to sit with me and eat dinner. I usually offer him something else to test if he's just not hungry or doesn't want what I'm having. If he still doesn't want to eat, I let him go play. Often he'll come back and eat a little bit in 5 or 10 minutes. But sometimes he doesn't eat anything at all. He is a good eater, and will eat 5 -6 small meals in a day. So I figure he fills up throughout the day and just isn't hungry anymore.
I don't think punishment would be a good idea. Young children really can't sit still for very long. We just have to relax and try to make dinner as fun for them as possible, so they'll want to join the family.