My heart goes out to you. I went through a really bad divorce but ended up retaining custody of my kids, he was only given supervised visitation. I can somewhat relate to you because in the very beginning (my son was 15 and my daughter was 12 at the time) even though their relationship with their dad was not good at the time of the divorce, and even though he was arrested for domestic violence on me and our daughter, they still had this mentality that dad was great and wonderful and one day he would decide to be this loving, great dad and things would change. I didn't think things would change, but I also knew that trying to convince them of this fact was not going to work in my favor. So I bit my lip (HARD) and kept being the best parent that I could be. It was amazingly hard though. Short term advice I would have to say just keep trying. Send her encouraging letters or cards, keep trying to call just to say hi. If she won't return your calls or pick up when you call, leave a voice mail saying "just called to say hi and I love you, have a good day, honey". Try not to bring up the negative stuff, keep it positive no matter what is thrown at you. I wouldn't suggest giving in to her demands for new clothes or material things though. Stress the small things that later in life she will really look back on and cherish. Keep going to her games even if you have to call her coach to get a game schedule. Though her dad and his wife may not be doing the same thing, you have to maintain doing what you think is right. It's really hard, but try your best not to express your opinions of her dad and stepmother to your daughter. If he was absent for most of her first 12 years, then even though she is living with him now he probably isn't as involved in her life as much as appearances may let on. She may be at the stage mine were at, glorifying their dad and WANTING things to be different so they pretended things were different. I'm not saying it will happen for you, but in time my kids saw the games their dad was playing. They realized that though mean old mom set rules and made them follow them, it was mean old mom that was there for them and loved them. It took awhile for each of them to work through it though. My son caught on faster than my daughter. She just wanted her daddy. My advice to you personally is to lean on your friends. If you don't have any, join a women's group at your church or take some women's classes at the YMCA and make friends. You need to keep yourself out of the depression so that you can be a good mother to her even if she is pushing you away right now. You also have to take into consideration that she is a teenage girl. Mine tells me "it's none of your business" when I ask her certain questions. At about 12 to 13 they truly become such major drama queens. I think so many parents of teenagers are trying to figure out how to teach their kid respect when all they do is demand from us. It's difficult. So you're probably dealing with that as well. Just be consistent. It may not happen overnight, but in time she will hopefully mature and her attitude will change. Just hang in there.