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Change in Custody?

By Jaz_Trio | 3 years 16 weeks ago
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Jumping right in here.

I am Jenn, I am a single mom of two. Aubrey is 7 and Zachary is 2 1/2.

Aubrey has been co-parented by my x and I for years (we divorced when she was 3).

However, they have now moved 2 hours away, and getting her two and from school is not something thats easy on them or on my daughter.

Something has to change, now I have desided that no matter what the outcome in court it's better for HER either way, and yes I am pretty sure we will be going to court, because I dont just want to say "you have her, I dont want her" KWIM?

So how do I talk to her about this, it is NOT because I dont want her to have a relationship with her father, we get along OK, and frankly no matter what my feelings about the man or the way he "is" are, its not my choice she deserves a father!

I cant ask these questions many places as his new wife, follows me all over the internet, so I am hoping she's not here...KWIM?

Any idea's?

Jenn
www.hightopbabydesigns.com
parenting-news.hightopbabydesigns.com

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10 Answers

I am sure that there is no easy answer to your problem. I was raised by my father after my parents divorced when I was 9 and the best thing they ever did for us was to stay friends. My mom lived accross the country from us and she was a long distance truck driver so we would only see her for a short while when she came to town. It sounds like his new wife is not very fond of you, which could definatly have an impact on you daughter. The only thing I can say is regardless of custody or other relationships, what would be best for you little girl is to be in a stable environment during school and to spend as much time as she can visiting with her father on weekends and in the summer. I know he will have to work with you on a schedule, but if he has her best interests at heart then he will do what it takes.
Jenn, I want to suggest that you be extremely careful in the decision that you make! Think about what is going to happen in the years to come. Do not sign anything without consulting an attorney and do not feel guilty! I too had joint custody of my 2 sons. I remarried and move 80 miles away and gave up my visitation during the week and let my ex become the primary custodian during the school year. I didn't want to disrupt my boys from their school, I wanted what was best for them, etc. This was in Sept. 2000. I now had to relocate even further away. (450 miles one way). I am constantly in court to have MONTHLY WEEKEND visitation of my boys. My ex doesn't want to allow them to fly even though they are 11 & 13, and always comes up with his own travel plans when I request visitation. There is a court order but he dosen't abide by it and I never get very far with the judge. My sons have been begging to come and live with me for 2-years and it has been an on going court battle since. My trying to be the decent one and keep my children stable in the past has come back to haunt me!!! Good Luck!
My goal *IS* to have Aubrey keep a GOOD relationship with her father! TOTALLY, though he is not the "best" person in my eyes, it is NOT my right to talk about him badly, it is not my right to think about him badly, it is not my right to tell her things that might upset her, that her father has or has not done to me. She *IS* only 7...IT *IS* my right to talk about her father in a good positive light, it *IS* my right to love her as much as I can, support her every decision, no matter how I feel about it, it *IS* my role to continue to work with my X as much as I possibly can to do what is best for Aubrey, our daughter! I in no way want to corupt there relationship, however I in no way want to keep her living like she is, nor do I want to just "give up" and say that Homeschooling and/or driving her 2 hours to and from school and having her miss several days and be late allthe time is ok either. My goal is to give her the most loving home possible and the BEST education I can while she is young! Homeschooling to me, right now, is no in HER best intrests, as you can see from my website I am all about "doing things naturally" however, this is not my idea of what's best for her! 1) She is to social 2) She does not learn well from me 3) Her learning level in some area's is above mine, meaning I am just not as qualified as a teacher to teach some things. So my lawyer and I both feel that, even if we do not do the custody thing now, we will be doing it soon, because if I agree to this homeschooling thing, then my X will then push to get custody later, saying I am not holding up "my end" I just want to do whats best for her, weither that be to have her with me or not...I beleive that's whats best...but I totally want to do whats best for her. My question now is explaining what's going on to her, I KNOW her father, and I KNOW there will be "bad" things coming from "his side" in regards to this...however I am NOT going there, that's NOT my idea of what a mother should do...so I want to stay positive, make sure that she knows we both love her, and that I am NOT doing this because I want to keep her away from him, as that is the FURTHEST thing from my mind! Any idea's on books or anything that might help her to understand this? Jenn - Co-Owner of All Natural Mommies Kids - Aubrey (7) Zachary- 2 1/2 email - Jenn@hightopbabydesigns.com website - http://www.hightopbabydesigns.com blog - http://parenting-news.hightopbabydesigns.com

Jenn - Co-Owner of All Natural Mommies
Kids - Aubrey (7) Zachary- 2 1/2
email - Jenn@hightopbabydesigns.com
website - http://www.hightopbabydesigns.com
blog - http://parenting-news.hightopbabydesigns.com

My exhusband recently moved 3 hours away from me and wants to continue the shared custody with two daycares, two towns...blah blah blah.

 

I had to ask for primary custody...I just think it's what's best for my daughter.  It's a long long long process but if you need anyone to bounce stuff off of...please let me know...I'm available!!

 

Amy 

wellyou could always do the whole he gets heron weekends or such and then over a big chunk in the summer.... but keep in mind that if he tries to get full custody you can use that hes the one moving which is whats causing the change in the custody issues....  oh and sorry i just have to put this...i dont think his new wife has any right to "follow" you around the internet.... thats actually a form of stalking and you can take all sorts of legal action against her for that... lol sorry but that kinda outraged me when i saw that....

I have been going through a custody battle with my ex husband for almost 2 years.... Social Workers, custody papers, attorney after attorney and trying to keep my son from knowing completely what is going on  is so hard.(he is only 2 but wonders where his daddy is)  However I have decided that being with me and my *new* husband is the very best. My EX is not stable financially and has not found his place in life. We have fought and finally we came to an agreement. I think you know what is best for your daughter deep down inside just like I know what is very best for my son. This is tough but stability is the best thing. Girls do need a relationship with their dad but Moms do know best. (i have been down this road with my ex-husbands array of girlfriends) They have no right to stalk you, tell you what you should do or even be in the middle of this situation. I know she thinks she does but remind her, her job is to support her husband and stay out of YOUR business. Good luck and it will be best. Do not feel guilty if you choose to fight him tooth and toe nail to keep her with you, just keep the fighting "on the D.L" and (you know) do not bad talk him in front of your daughter. Your go girl and keep your spirits up, I know it is depressing but you can get through it.

Amanda

A*M*A*N*D*A

You sound like you have your kids' best interests at heart, and maybe your ex does too but he will be influenced by his new wife who does not sound like she has your kids' interests at heart. Keep your head up, and don't feel guilty about fighting for your children's welfare, even if it coincides with what you want, which is of course to have your children with you. Try to come to an agreement out of court if possible (maybe let them spend several weeks in the summer with their dad), but don't be unwilling to fight for them. Those are your babies!

But why did he move that far away in the first place? I don't understand it at all. You don't move away from your children and expect to keep the custody you had before. You don't move away from your children and then fly them to you (in reference to the reply about the woman having problems seeing her children). You do what you need to do to see them, not the other way around.

In response to the question, tell your daughter that it's not that you don't want her to see her father but rather you just want her to be able to have a good week and driving 2 hours to school in the morning probably won't make for a good week.  And if your ex is a good parent he should not fight against you.

Frankly if you're divorced I don't care what, you should never move too far away from your children. 450 miles is too far away.

You could modify the parenting plan into a schedule that better helps your daughter needs that still ensures participation from both parents. this is bound to happen many times between now and when she is grown. have you tried talking with him about a change in schedule such as one or two overnights a week and every other weekend? it is really best for your child if you can work on this cooperatively.

Geraldine Jensen
How to Collect Child Support 3rd, Edition
http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/child-support

Families Online Magazine
http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/

Geraldine Jensen, Editor
Families Online Magazine
http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/

I think that the best way to solve that is to find a lawyer.Under Florida law, a child’s preference is a factor to be considered by
the court in determining where a child will reside.   But it is not the
sole factor, and can therefore be outweighed by consideration of thee
other statutory factors. So it would be best to consult an attorney for this.

Tampa Attorney

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