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Anyone with children 12 months or less apart?

By MrsRJK | 3 years 14 weeks ago
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Does anyone have children or expecting children less or close to 12 months apart? We have a 4 year old girl, an 8 month old baby girl and I am pregnant with a baby boy 25 weeks along. I am due to have my son 2 weeks before daughter's birthday. Many people (including strangers) have made comments to the effect of my husband and I being "crazy"....ect. I feel isolated and alone in my situation and am concerned about how things will be when the baby is born. I have been asked by many people and am now beginning to question myself: how will I handle 2 babies and a 4 (almost 5 by that time) year old?

Elizabeth

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30 Answers

Hi, Elizabeth, I am not in your shoes, (I had two at once!) but it really bugs me that people think it is appropriate for them to comment on and judge the number and spacing of your children. It's none of their business, and it's obnoxious and rude. First, let me remind you that your oldest daughter *is* almost 5. She can do so much to help you out -- she can get diapers and bottles or binkies or extra blankets or a new pack of wipes. She can turn on the swing or bouncey seat. She can also help out with your seccond daughter -- get her a snack when you're stuck on the couch with baby brother, pop in a video, tell her a story, get out the crayons and coloring books, etc. Second, your younger daughter is also capable of more than you think. Right now, you're used to thinking of her as a baby, but she's really more of a toddler. She can feed herself, get toys for herself, express some of her needs and wants . . . she is also at a stage where she may very well enjoy being a Little Mommy, and helping you soothe the new baby. Lastly, some ideas on how to respond to those rude people -- first, remind yourself that it's just not their business, anyway. Depending on how rude they are, and how you're feeling at the time, you can say things like: "Yes, I AM crazy -- crazy in love with my kids!" "Yes, I AM crazy -- crazy about being a mom!" "I think I'd be crazy not to enjoy this time." "My doctor has assured me that I am completely sane, but thanks for your concern." "Are you offering to help? Because I could use a hand with . . ." (then pull out a to-do list and ask them to pick up the dry cleaning for you, or run to the store for more milk, etc.) "What an inappropriate comment!" "I didn't know we were supposed to clear things with you, first." "I'd rather be crazy than rude." Have fun with your responses! And remember that just because most people these days opt for a smaller family, larger families, and families with closely spaced kids, are NOT unheard of. In the meantime, if you haven't already, see if there's a "large families" club near you, or at least a bb. Good luck, Wendy

My daughters are 36 days apart in age.  Our first daughter was adopted from China in summer of 2005 and we just adopted a "little" sister for her two months ago.  So far, there doesn't seem to be any drawbacks to this.    I do try to make time to spend alone with each of the girls and I think that's important.  But they love being together even though there is a minor amount of fighting over toys, etc.

I have no regrets and I'm sure you'll have no regrets either.

Smiley

Donna

http://2happy.typepad.com

My "Irish Twins" are 10 mos. apart.  Full disclosure, they are my step-children, but I have been their full-time mom since they were 2 and 3 years old.  

I don't think you are crazy at all!  Babies so close together have a special bond.  When mine were little they had their own secret language -- they could speak to and understand each other when to the rest of us it sounded like babble.  My husband says it was a little trying when they were infants, but being a parent is never without a little work, and it's always worth it!

I also have 3 biological children and one on the way.  My closest pregnancies resulted in children 17 months apart, and I REALLY preferred that over the 23 months that will be between my youngest and this baby.  Pregnancy is just easier to deal with when your body never fully goes back into that "not pregnant" state, IMO.  This pregnancy is the hardest one since my first!  Plus who wants to get done with diapers just to have to start over again?

Also, your almost 5 year old should be a big help with the babies.  If she doesn't already help you with things like fetching clean diapers, helping to find lost sippy cups, etc., she should.  Not only will it help you, but it will keep her from feeling left out.  (Sometimes I have to remind my 8yo daughter that she is NOT her little sister's mommy -- she wants to do everything for her!)

All in all I think you are a very lucky lady, and I hope you enjoy your beautiful new baby when he gets here!  Smiley

Wife of one, mom of 7

Hi there, my boys are about 12 months apart.  They are now 17 months and 5 months.   I recieved the same reaction from people as you are.  It does get annoying but at the same time I wondered if I was crazy. !  :)  The older they get the easier it seems to get.  At first I thought I couldnt handle it because I was so tired and I felt so guilty that I couldnt give my oldest son the attention that he was getting before.  But slowly but surely he adjusted and so did I.  My oldest son now loves the little one so much, he is a huge help.  It is great to see them doing things together and interacting.  It is amazing and I know that the older they get the more they are going to interact with one another.  I could love nothing more than my two boys and I know that you will feel the same about your three.  Congrats on your new arrival and good luck!

 

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  I have a soon to be 7 month old and I'm 4 months pregant again.  Neither one of the pregnancies were planned.  I'm a bit afraid of what I might hear.  I'm just hoping to be strong and be there for both of my kids.  I always wonder if there are others out there with a similar situation.  It doesn't help that I'm only 23 and look so young.  Your are not alone!

Pauline

I have an almost-4-month old daughter, and I just found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant. Neither were planned so I'm extremely nervous about the reaction of family and friends. We haven't told anyone about this pregnancy yet. I'm a young mom (20) so that doesn't help the situation. I think we can handle it, though. At some point, in a few years, I think I'll be glad they'r so close together.

I have an almost-4-month old daughter, and I just found out I'm 4 weeks pregnant. Neither were planned so I'm extremely nervous about the reaction of family and friends. We haven't told anyone about this pregnancy yet. I'm a young mom (20) so that doesn't help the situation. I think we can handle it, though. At some point, in a few years, I think I'll be glad they're so close together.

I'm new to this board, but was searching on google for "babies less than 1 year apart" and found you all so I joined.  I have a 4 month old and am 9 weeks pregnant - my kids will be just shy of 1 year apart.  I've been very concerned about how I'm going to handle this but am kind of excited at the same time.  My family has all reacted positively after their initial shock was over.  If anyone has any advice about this I would very much appreciate it - I'm kind of tired of people telling me I'm going to have my hands full - no kidding people, that doesn't make me feel better. 

I have  7 children and now just found out that I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant with quads  yes  4 more babies my kids ages range from 11,10,9,8,5,4,2 and due in Aug for a time my 9 and 8 year olds are the same age  and so is my 5 and 4 for my 9 and 8 they are the same age for 1 month 13 days and the other ones are 1 month 9 days. I have had many people tell me I am crazy even had people tell me i should be commited but I love  my children all of them  just the same and wouldn't have it any other way I  would  of had a 3 year old in the mix  but he died  at birth. So are you crazy no God wouldn't give you something you  could not handel  as they say. So  he must believe  youcan handel all this. I am questiong a little  on my part  but I ma sure thigns will go  just as well as they did with all the others so good luck and if someone says somethign to you  again say  are yu  sure you shouldn't be  in a crazy farm?

My two babies are 11 months apart and we planned it that way.  I hated being pregnant and wanted to get the kids born.  Yes I was criticized, but I'm an adult in my mid 30's and it's no one business but my husband and mine - so I disregarded comments.  When baby #2 came along, he came out with unexpected complications and had to go to Childrens National Medical Center for 8 weeks.  It was hard, especially since we traveled back and forth daily (3 hours round trip) - often with my 1 year old.  Once home, it was a difficult adjustment, but we adjusted.  Thankfully my #2 baby will be fine, and yes we still have many doctor and therapy visits and that is hard to do with baby # 1 in tow also.  All in all, you just make it work, and it's really good most days.  My oldest is 17 months and she adores her 6 month old brother - and he seems to react and interact well with her as well.  It's hard, it's exhausting and it's worth everything to me.  It doesn't matter if your baby's are 11 months or 5 years apart, there is always something, and it's just what something that is.  I'm thrilled mine will be so close - most people ask me if I have twins - Whatever works for you - works.  It's going to be fine, it has to be - mom's always make things work and you will too.

Jennifer, Lusby, Maryland

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