Expectant Moms
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May 15, 2007
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Feeling a little more anxious this time around
I'm wondering if other moms have experienced this as well. As much as I wanted to get pregnant, and as ecstatically happy as I was to get that positive test, I am feeling a little more anxiety this time around than I was with my first. With my first I did have the usual worries...will we have enough money, where will we end up living (we knew we weren't staying in San Francisco), etc. But I felt relatively confident about being able to care for a baby. I'd been around kids quite a bit and kids and babies were always the center of the universe in my family.
I think part of my anxiety now comes from things being quite a bit different from my expecatations when my daughter did arrive. She is a wonderful, bright, responsive, busy kid and always has been. But she didn't react to my comforting the way other babies I'd handled in the past had. She was always wiggly, and when she was upset about something, she didn't just fuss a little and give you a moment to figure out what was up -- she went directly into full wailing mode until you figured it out! I took some comfort in gradually figuring out that a lot of this was not due to my parenting skills. It's in her personality. She has a big personality and knows how to get what she wants! I remember when a good friend who was also a nanny held her once. My friend looked at my daughter, who would not sit still for her either, and said, "Oh yes, I know your type." Having been around so many babies, my friend was able to reassure me that the kid is what she is and her fussiness wasn't my fault.
Don't get me wrong, I loved having a baby in the house and we had -- and still have -- so much fun being silly. I can't say enough about how I love watching her grow. And she HAS, of course, grown out of the fussy stage although she is still -- and I suspect always will be -- very strong-willed. Still, I can't help but feel a little bit...nervous about having another one. I find myself hoping the next one (due in April, btw) is more mellow! Number one sapped my energy quite a bit and now I'm 37 and I just hope I can have the energy to be everything I can be to the second.
Any other second-time moms go through anything similar?
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9 Comments
I felt a bit differently with my second pregnancy too. I can see why you'd be a bit concerned, but don't be. You're a veteran mom now and some of the things that drove you nuts with your daughter would probably just roll right off your back now. You'll be fine!
Hi Patti. I was 37 when I had my first little one, and 38 with my second. (SURPRISE PACKAGE!) Believe me -- you really do find the energy you need to keep up. And, having little kids a bit later in life forces you to think young and to stay young. Also, it is SO much easier the second time around. You don't get naps anymore, and it can definitely be tricky navigating two little ones at first BUT you know this stuff now. You will find yourself doing less second-guessing, less worrying, less stressing. You've already been there. Also, when your newest addition gets big enough to really play with big sis, your life will get a LOT easier, because you are no longer the sole source of entertainment.
So, CONGRATULATIONS and best wishes to your little family.
Beth
http://www.chickennuggetmama.blogspot.com
Thank you both for the kind words. I'm finding myself feeling more and more excited about the new baby. Not that I wasn't excited already, but now that my belly is growing a little bit, I'm starting to feel that connection again that I felt with my first. We're getting ready to move into a new house (we are *fingers crossed* a week away from closing escrow) and I'm really looking forward to being all settled when we welcome the new bundle. Thanks again!
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
Patti,
In my experience you are going thru very natural feelings. You can't begin to really anticipate how the new baby is going to be interms of personailty. And if it's a boy, that could bring a whole new perspective to the table. I have been pregnant 5 times and have 7 kids. Every one of them is different and has given us joy in so many ways and also challenged us in so many ways.
Adding a baby to a family is a wonderful experience and a gift that you are giving to our daughter. Take time to enjoy the pregnancy (it goes by SO fast), hunker down with DD and make some precious memories before you introduce the newest member to the family.
Warmly,
M
Awww, thanks for the sweet response, M. The last few years have been stressful for us (not really because of having a child...that's had its challenges but has been so rewarding too...but because of various other factors) that I really do have to remind myself sometimes to enjoy these moments. I really can't wait to see how my daughter interacts with her new sibling. I know she's going to be a great big sis!
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
P.S. I sure wish I could find a way to tap into some of your energy!
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
First of all, congratulatons!!!
I'm very happy for you!!!
I too am expecting my second baby! And while my first doesn't have alot of the strong-willed personality, she has 2 aunts that do very much. My husband and I were wondering if she was going to get the "olderst sister syndrome" and be a bit bossy growing up
So now, we're wondering if this next one is going to be heck on wheels because most of the time, from what we've seen, the 1st and 2nd born are so different!
But here's the way I look at it, if she does get the strong will, you won't have to worry as much about her growing up. She will stand up for herself and you won't have to worry as much about people taking advantage of her. BIG worry with girls! I hate thinking about my baby girl around kids that might be mean or dealing with boys when she gets older!
I think that God blesses us with so many different people, their personalities are unique, their tastes and choices all different-it's interesting being a parent and watching these little personalities develop! I do believe that babies are born with a particular kind of temperment and disposition that their parents have nothing to do with. They're born that way!
Example: my older sister and my husband's older sister. They were raised by the most opposite types of parenting that you could get and they are exactly the same
If your next one is anything like what I've seen happen many many times over, he or she is going to be a cuddler and laid-back. A lover, not a fighter
You are so blessed to be having another one! Congratulations again!
Thank you, and congratulations to you too!! I was thinking last night that in this post I didn't really make it clear how much I really love and admire my daughter's personality. Yes, she's strong-willed, yes, it's hard to get her to listen sometimes, but very true, she will not have any trouble sticking up for herself down the road. I think this is a person that no one will mess with cuz she won't let them! I really think that personality can be channeled into wonderful things.
I also get such a kick out of watching her and being out with her. She is so outgoing, always has been, whereas I'm quite shy. I just love how easy it is for her to walk up to people (especially kids) and a start a conversation (of course, we've had to be careful about her talking to random adults!) I can't tell you how many friends or acquaintances I've made because she befriended someone's kid -- it's been good for me because I've been forced to come out of my shell a bit.
And I was also thinking that a lot of the fear (for want of a better word) I'm having right now has more to do with just general stress I've had over the past couple of years, and not child-related stress. Really I can sit and tick off the ways in which we've been blessed with our daughter. She's bright, inquisitive, funny as heck, and we have great conversations. She's also VERY loving and can be quite sweet (I am in awe of how she remembers what people like and when she plays tea party she actually "serves" it to them! She is going to be a very generous soul and possibly an amazing hostess.). We're so lucky in so many ways. And the blessings will just continue with the next one.
I think once we get all settled in in the new house I'm going to really be able to sit back and look forward to the new arrival -- whatever personality he or she brings!
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
This will be my 3rd baby and my oldest is 2. And no, I don't have multiples :O) I can TOTALLY relate to how you are feeling! With my 2nd I planned him fully and then went into shock when it actually happened! I had soooo much anxiety with him I would go several nights without any sleep had so much restlessness and from 2 weeks after the + prego test I puked every day for 9 months straight! I was on medication with him for 1.5 months for preterm labor and went to the hospital a million times! Believe me when I say I am NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON but I told my DR the day I finally had him I didn't know how I could love this child because he made me feel so so so aweful.
Let me tell you... this child warms our hearts soooo much he is such a light to our life and a true true blessing! I could tell 5 minutes from his birth what I different person I met he was nothing like my first. I think he had just been so pissed b/c he'd been trying to get out for like 2 months when he came into the world it's like it all stopped for him he was so calm and chill and loved being next to me. (nothing like my first) I will tell you I felt like a 1st time mom all over again b/c he was SUCH A DIFFERENT PERSON!! I still can't get over it a year later! I had to learn all new comforting moves and everything.
You are truely giving your oldest such an amazing gift of a sibling. These days when everone is screaming I think these are not the hardest times. They are coming... when they are all TEENAGERS!!! SCARY!!!
Everyone will tell you 'Oh I know this type' but NOONE knows not like you mommy! One thing I will say about the second you are more relaxed and I was more comfortable telling my family MY OPINION instead of always hearing theirs.
2 pieces of advice (not like you asked for it but here I go)
I locked everyone out for 2 weeks to recooperate even my mom and dad. I put a voicemail on our phones thanks for calling but we are not up to talking and a note on my door I told everyone before hand I DID NOT WANT VISITORS I needed to adjust to this new life of 2 kids (16 months apart) not them. I love my fam but I feel the need to entertain and be Suzy Homemaker and I needed to put my oldest and my newborn both first and figure that all out. I healed a lot faster and was sooo much happier this time around I have to say.
Second, Yes you will still love your first just as much and you will love that new babe as much as you did your first. And, you will love them both even more when they make eachother laugh life couldn't get better. Try getting a gift ahead of time for your oldest something that's her favorite and give it to her at the hospital and tell her it's from the baby. I did this with my son I dunno but I think it worked it made him feel special and that the baby wasn't there to take his place.
I hope these words uplift you. If you have any advice for me please post it. I am having trouble coping as well :O)