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Common Interest
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MothersClick
Created:
Apr 25, 2007
Poll
Should I give a small gift to my younger son at my older son's birthday, and vice versa?
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15 Comments
This is a mistake that many parents make. It's just going to perpetuate the me behavior. You should explain to him that this is his brother's special day and he will have a special day of his own when it's his birthday. The behavior (if there is any at this point) will pass and all will be well, but you run the risk of him expecting something whenever there is a social event, not just his brother's birthday. And then there's the older child. I'm sure he says he understands, but it still hurts. It should be his day and no one else's.
Anita Burnham
Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations
Anita Burnham
www.anitaburnham.com
If you are giving the gift to sway your child from negative behaviors then of course I agree with the above comment. On the other hand, every birthday we go to in our family the birthday child gives goody bags to all the children at the party with a small gift he or she picks out for them. It's not much different to give a small gift to a sibling on a birthday from goody bags to all kids at a party!
Well said. I actually had not thought about it from that end. I just come from a family that did that for a long time. My younger brother would get something all the time and the older ones (younger than me) would always get punished when they asked for something. I realize that I grew up in a very dysfunctional household, I was just remembering what happened in my life and how my brother, who has an IQ of 180, now thinks the world owes him a favor. He doesn't think he needs to work for anything and I would hate for that to happen to anyone else. So, yes, if you are giving goody bags to the other children, your younger one should get something as well. Just make sure that that's all it is. And make sure you don't leave your older one out on the younger one's birthday.
Anita Burnham
Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations
Anita Burnham
www.anitaburnham.com
My oldest son is turning 2 and my youngest son is 8 mo. I worry if my older son will understand what is going on in a few months when it is time to celebrate the younger one's birthday.
This is a tricky age, isn't it. I think if you do decide to give a gift to the child who's not having a birthday, you just have to make sure that it doesn't become a habit. I would just prefer not to start so I won't have to fight it later on. I also think that 2 is old enough to understand the basics if you explain it to him very simply. Of course, include him in all the celebrations, just don't put too much emphasis on getting the gift BECAUSE it's the other one's birthday. Of course, I only speak from older sibling experience (I am 32, but my brothers are 18, 22, and a sister who's 26.) I was 14 when my youngest brother was born and just felt so bad for everyone else in the household when he was given everything his little heart desired. My mom even went so far as to give my 22yo's stuff away to my 18yo brother whenever he wanted it, so I definitely come from the extreme situation here. I do have an 8 month old and am not planning on another child for a couple years, but I hope I can look at things objectively if I ever experience the same thing. Good question and responses. Really got me thinking! Thanks, Anita
Anita Burnham
www.anitaburnham.com
I always try to include the other child when buying for the birthday child. They get to pick out and help wrap a gift, and try to keep the secret
Mine are 19 months apart, and jealousy is not allowed, they are each others best friends, and are to enjoy each others celebrations. Yes, they each have to share with one another, and Goody Bags are given. We're fair and loving, but life is life and not always on the terms of the kids.
So far, so good.
Thanks for all the advice and input. My oldest son's birthday came and went about a week ago. We did opt to give our 8 month old a little something extra in his goody bag, even though he is too young to know the difference. He did not get to open his goody bag until all the guests were gone though. It was mainly for our 2 yo's benefit for when the younger brother's party comes around in a few months. Almost all of the birthday guests who came to our son's party had brought something for our baby anyways. But those were because most of our friends and family live away from us and most had not been up to visit since the baby was born. The extra gifts from my parents and sister were just to do their part to spoil their nephews and grandsons. We did not open up extra gifts for either child as part of the birthday party. We just hope to always be fair to each of our kids; although we don't want them to focus on the idea of getting gifts or that anyone owes them a gift. I appreciate the comments.
Thank you for the comments and ideas. My 2 yo's birthday came and went about a week ago. We did opt to give a little something extra to our 8 mo in his goody bag; although he did not get his goody bag until after all the guests were gone. Even though he is too young to know the difference, we did it for our 2 yo's benefit because his baby brother's birthday is just around the corner. Our 2 yo doesn't talk yet, so I'm uncertain how much he will understand when we talk to him about the baby's birthday, or if he will even remember that he just celebrated his own. I appreciate all the comments!
i don't know what happened. My page got lost and I didn't think it posted, so i tried to remember what i typed and repost. oops!
That place in the mall kind of by Gap has some really good ideas. If you email the picture to their email they will give you its really good quality and can be done with in a business day or two!
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