Mom Opinions
Everyone knows that mom has an opinion. This is the place to share your opinions on a variety of topics. We can debate and discuss the sensitive topics and hot button issues that moms care about most.
54 Members
Club type:
Common Interest
Leader:
NicholeS
Created:
Jun 09, 2009
Talk
Dr.Phil's episode
This is my first day on this website but i think i have the hang of it so bare with me!
Just curious if any of you watched the episode yesterday on Dr. Phill about working mom's vs. stay at home mom's? I personally was blown away at one of the stay at home mom's comments about working mom's. I have done both stay at home and had to return to work to help my fiance support our family. I do not in any way feel that either style makes a mother less or more of a better mother.
I feel that every family has a different situation and that it is more than possible to work and still be a supportive loving mother to your children. A woman also spoke about being overwhelmed with being at home day after day alone with the children and yes it can become stressful and we all need a break. Its sad that some women would call that a cop-out! If it were not for working mothers the world would be out many terrific doctors, lawyers, and just great women in the work force!
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7 Comments
First, let me say Welcome! I'm glad you've found us and joined!
I didn't see Dr. Phill but I know that working vs. stay at home moms is SUCH a hot button issue!
I've been both and I don't get it either. I don't understand why moms have to tear each other down for the choice that they make. It seems silly to me, we do the same job and I know for a fact that there are stay at home moms that are more disconnected from their kids than the working moms are.
Excellent topic for discussion! Let's keep it going ladies!
Very hot topic! I really can't believe that moms are truly criticizing each other over this issue. It's been going on for many years, and I don't think there's a cut and dry "answer" to the question.
I agree with Nichole, I have seen stay at home moms who don't have as great a relationship with their kids as some moms who actually work. But I also see the bond grow very strong because the kids are around their mother on a daily basis. I do work, and I can say that I've seen some wonderful young boys and girls who were raised by stay at home moms, there's something special about being able to spend that much time with your child.
That being said, it just can't work for everyone! In these tough economic times, some moms don't have the option. Also, there are plenty of women who enjoy their career and don't feel they should have to give it up to raise children. Some of them I do believe take it a little too far and just can't seem to spend enough time with them
I don't think it's a cop-out to go to work, for some moms, they can better attend to their kids if they have this outlet outside the home. I think each family has to figure out which option works best for them!
I have this friend who is a working mom and is so defenesive about it that she has talked horribly about women who stay at home with thier children.
The nanny she hired to take care of her son got pregnant and wanted to take her leave when she got into her 3rd trimester, then would not be returning as the nanny because she was going to stay at home with her baby. My friend actually said that that was the only thing that she really could do. That she wasn't cut out to do anything other than child raising, so it was just as well she be a stay at home mom. She's also called being a stay at home mom a new "trend".
I could not believe my ears and was about to get into a very big discussion, but then I stopped. I realized, these are her issues and I wasn't going to waste time making them mine.
The truth is, she could not be a stay at home mom. She almost went insane during maternity leave and today can't be with her 2 year old over an hour without getting bored and losing her mind. She's speaking out of the guilt she has (that she once spoke of) and cutting other women down, making it seem as though that's all they can do while she's this amazing mother juggling a career, a child, a home and everything else.
I understand that the negative comments from working mothers come from defense and I think the stay at home moms feel like they have to defend themselves against these comments the working moms have made.
I also think the stay at home moms are too quick to attack the working moms, saying they're not being as involved, as close with their kids and all of that. So the working mom feels she needs to defend herself from these comments.
It's a judgement that's going to continue over time unfortunately. Being a stay at home mom, I deal with negative comments I've heard towards them very easily. I'm so happy in my life and I know I will never regret the time I have with my child, it's as simple as that
I agree you guys, it's AWFUL the way some women talk about about those women who have made a different choice. I have a cousin who's brother's wife works -- and my cousin talks so bad about this woman! You'd think she never hugged or even looked at her kids the way my cousin talks. Do you remember a book a few years ago, The Mommy Wars? It talked about this.
I look at it this way: We are EXTREMELY fortunate to be living in a time when many of us can choose whether we want to work or not. In other words, financial considerations aside (because it's true, many women who work truly don't have a choice), society cannot tell us we MUST stay home or we MUST work. In previous generations women and especially mother were completely dependent on the men in their lives to take care of them. Now we know we CAN take care of ourselves and our babies! And on the flip side, if we're fortunate enough to stay home, well we can do that too! (And I will say in my own "defense" that yes, I chose to stay home for 4 1/2 years after my daughter was born, but we were making big time sacrifices. The loss of that second income was HARD and it's taken us almost that entire time to really find our footing and get settled. Not all women who stay home are pampered mamas with nannies and housekeeping help -- it's hard work, and, like luvshertwoboys said, NOT a cop out!)
But we continue to judge one another, which is just sad. I think it comes from being afraid, deep down, that when someone else makes a different choice from us, that it will turn out somehow that they're right and we're wrong. In this case what's right for one family may not work in a million years for another family. I say let's revel in the fact that we have choices and support our sisters no matter what choice they make!
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
SO well put
I just got to say all working women out there I am very proud of you beause I havent had to work much in my life but sometimes wish I would have gone on to school and learned a little more insted I stayed at home to take care of my kids an it feels like I should have done more with my life my husban on the other hand has been very sucessful beause he has had me to watch the kids and now I feel very left behind like a nobody I help alot at the school my kids go to but I dont get paid for it I just never had the guts to go to school and leave my kids behind does that make me bad I dont know did I waste my life im not sure my huban goes to washington D.C and other places is this unfair? I mean its my fault should it matter He take scare of us but I fill he has more of a life then I do and he is currentley trying to move us to a Differnt state beause of job's I just made a place for me in the school system a place where I am excepted and needed and if I have to move I will have to start all over I dont want to I am happy but I also dont have a good education to start all over again what can I do ? im just stressing But I think for all women out there who are sucessful You go Girl keep going and keep your dreams in your mind and life I know I didnt and look how I fill Good luck I hope all your dreams come true maybe mine will to
Tina
Aw geez, mom-4, I hate to see anyone so down on themselves. :( Just the fact that you have raised your kids and given them so much of your attention means you've accomplished something -- and something important at that! Give yourself a big pat on the back for that first and foremost.
I'm so sorry you are facing a move when you feel like you've finally carved out a place for yourself. I know firsthand how hard it is to relocate; one of the hardest times in my life was when we left the city we'd lived in for 13 years with an 18-month-old and went to an area where we really didn't know anyone (and didn't really fit in to boot).
BUT to you I would say: try to see this as an opportunity. If you do end up moving (and it sounds like it might be for good reason; you have to go where the jobs are, unfortunately), try to approach it as a new start. IMMEDIATELY when you move, look for a new job, maybe one that's similar to what you're doing now, but anything that gets you out of the house will do. Or find some volunteer work, anything to keep you busy and get you out there meeting new people.
Then, maybe think about looking into a local community college and start taking some classes. It is NEVER too late to go back to school. If you don't know what you're interested in or want to study, just start by taking one or two classes that sound like fun. You can take one class at a time and just get a feel for it. Even classes through your local parks and recreation dept can help. Classes are a GREAT way to: 1. Meet new people. 2. Find some new interests. 3. Just feel like you are doing something productive and learning. It doesn't have to be a degree program if you don't have anything in mind, just do it for fun. Eventually you may find something you want to get a degree or certificate in and you can start taking classes to meet that goal.
Think positive! For some years now, my philosophy has been that if we are unhappy in our lives, we each have it in our power to make changes and feel better. Miracles might not happen overnight and you may get frustrated; it can be hard work to make big changes. But you will feel SO much better and it will be good for your kids to see you doing something for yourself. It teaches them that they can do the same.
Good luck to you. Keep us up-to-date on whether and when you're moving and what else is going on!
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...