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I've am frequently in this situation. My son is autistic and has a real problem with overstimulation caused by crowds. There were times I would leave a full grocery cart and leave the store to take my son to the car so he could settle his nerves. I love my local cub. After a particularly bad tantrum when I had trouble getting him out of the store and a manager came over to help I explained my situation and he has taken steps to assist future occurances. Now if my son is going to be unable to allow me to finish I take my cart to the customer service desk, explain who I am, give them my list and take my son into the breakroom to calm him down. They complete my shopping, ring it up then suspend the transaction, and put it into the cooler. When my son has calmed I pay, they get my groceries and load them into the car for me. The manager told me this isn't something he does just for me. They also do it for the local firefighters and paramedics. Really you just need to let them know you need help. I have found that many places are like that. Many managers and clerks have had kids too. When you let them know you need help many are willing to step in and assist. And businesses that are not I am willing to personally boycott. Toddlers and pre-k kids have short fuses when they are tired and nothing you do is going to be right for them. Making the situation more difficult not only hurts you but also affects the other customers. I hope you told a manager later how disapointed you were with the customer service displayed by that clerk. It might help another mother down the line.

kjpope: thanks for the insight. You know, I almost reported the incident to the manager (after the fact since I had to get out of the store pretty quickly). But I was so mad at the clerk I felt like I would be doing it out of spite. I didn't want to bury her just to make myself feel better, and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just having a hard day. But you're right, I should have done it for the sake of other moms. Next time I will keep that in mind.

Your grocery store sounds like they really have a good handle on how to serve ALL their customers. What a great store. I'm pretty lucky in that we haven't had too many public tantrums. But when they do occur, my daughter is LOUD and her intensity puts me on edge (I get stressed out too, Anita). I'm afraid bystanders will see it as losing my temper or not having control over my child. In fact lately I've found that just putting on a neutral face and even laughing a bit seems to put people at ease. I try to catch the eye of parents who've been there (usually grandparents). They will almost say something comforting or give you the look of "Oh yeah I remember those days." Even just a laugh makes me feel better! But it's definitely helpful to think that I could enlist the help of store managers and clerks.

I've definitely learned to frequent places that are more obviously kid-friendly. And if you get to know the people who work in your regular shops a bit, they're that much more likely to be patient and helpful if/when the big tantrum does occur.

Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area

I have had that. I took a parenting/childhood development class when I was in school. They taught me to not spank her(I have 2 girls) because that would be doing it while I was mad and don't stop what I was doing because that would encourage her to get her way. What I used to do(she is 6now and knows better) is just ignore her. (Make sure she does not hurt herself.) I used to tell her your only embarrassing yourself sweetie. I asked during the class what if other ppl come up to me or start staring. Her(my teacher had a degree in early childhood dev.) answer was if they come up to you that's your kid and your the parent. If they stare or say something they obviously don't have kids or they would know what it's like to be in your situation. I never let anyone make me think I am a bad parent or I don't know what I am doing....they know me for how long???A couple minutes those ppl have NO clue!!She quit that phase. If for some reason they have to be spanked take the little one out to the car or the bathroom and spank. Kjpope, you are awesome! And that store obviously knows a little about customer service.

That's great advice Susan. And it definitely works. Just the other day I had to leave a store with my daughter because I had told her a couple of times to stay near me, but she wandered off. I told her if she did it one more time we'd have to leave (that meant no bubbles or whatever little tread she'd asked for). So of course, she did it, so we had to leave. She started screaming at the top of her lungs when I picked her up.

I felt (and still feel) so grateful to the mom who caught my eye at that point and said, "I know what you're going through." That helped keep me calm while my daughter was screaming and the tantrum was over by the time we got to the car. We moms should really try to give each other that kind of support whenever we can. It helps us remember that disciplining our kids does not mean we're monsters --quite the contrary; if we don't do it, we're raising monsters.

By the way, I hope it doesn't sound like my daughter throws a lot of tantrums. She really doesn't. It's just that when she does, she's loud and intense. When she was younger it would kind of take me by surprise and stress me out because I wasn't used to it. I wouldn't say she's a mellow kid, but she's definitely a happy kid. So I have strong memories of some of her strong tantrums, especially in public like the one at Long's, although those really fade with time.

Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sl...