SAHMs Club
A general group for all Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs)
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May 15, 2007
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What do you find to be the hardest thing about being a SAHM???
I really just wanted to find out from everyone what they find to be the hardest thing about being a SAHM. I'm sure for most of us if not all of us being a SAHM was a choice and I feel extremely luck to have even been given the choice to stay at home. I do think for lots of moms there is no choice at all.
I absolutely LOVE being home with my kids and being able to participate in school activities and having my kids know that if they know nothing else, mommy is home and they can count on me always being there. However, it's not all fun and games being home 24/7.
The hardest thing for me is not always getting the recognition that my "job" of being a SAHM is not easy and is never over.
Can't wait to hear from everyone else!
Rebecca
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For me, one of the hardest things, at least after we moved to a different city (and I didn't know anyone, was the isolation. If you have a really good network of friends it's so much easier to get out of the house and have adult conversations. But if you're new to a town and finding it hard to meet anyone, it's very, very hard. You feel very lonely. For some reason in the first town we moved to, I had a heck of a time meeting anyone, even though I spent a lot of time at parks and tried to be friendly with the moms in my daughter's classes. However, when we moved again, we realized very quickly that this new town was much more up our alley, because I was able to meet people right away! The difference was astounding.
Other than that, I would have to say just the repetitiveness of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and yes, the lack of recognition. I would have to also add that I'm not the best housekeeper and I sort of torture myself over that. I feel like I should be better.
Last but not least, it was EXTREMELY hard for me to adjust to not contributing to the family income, and thus not feeling free to spend money as I see fit. I had worked from the age of 15 steadily, had a very good job before the baby came, and even supported my husband for awhile when he was out of work. I was used to being in charge of the finances. It was very, very hard for me to cede control. And I felt like I couldn't spend any money on myself, which is not right and I've since gotten over that! I still stay within budget, but I'm taking better care of myself.
(Oh, and I'm also working part time at home, which helps even more!)
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
Well, for me, right now, the hardest part is the isolation, but I've kind of got different circumstances. I wrote all about it in the post "Dealing with the H1N1 Issue while Pregnant".
The isolation is temporary, so it's easier for me to deal with it knowing it's not going to be forever. In the meantime, I just try to do things fun for my 14 month old and, for me, concentrate on preparing for the next baby (I'm 19 weeks along with my second
) which is very fun for me and recently I had an idea to make some homemade Chrsitmas gifts this year to keep busy and at the same time save money. Then I want to get my daughter's memory books and photo albums fully filled, organized and up-to-date before the next baby gets here....there are lots of things I can think of that will keep me plenty busy and hopefully, before I know it, we'll all be adjusting to life with a second precious bundle, then eventually out and about, socializing and not so "home bound".
But, like Patti mentioned, sometimes the repetition can get to me. I too feel like Rebecca feels and am SO thankful for the opporitunity to stay at home with my daughter and love every moment I have with her, but an adult with a fully functioning mind can fall into a kind of repetitive daze if it's day in and day out of clean, sweep, mop, fold, cook, feed, change diaper, repeat, repeat, repeat.
When I begin to feel a little bored at some point in the day, I start to feel SO guilty and feel bad for not embracing every second of my time here....but then, I think about it and realize, hey, that is natural. Our mentality is not like a child's-we need a different level of different interactions.
So, I do things to keep my mind busy. I'll read after she goes to bed for the night, get on the phone and call my sister, mom, whoever I can really have a discussion with while I'm feeding her her dinner or folding laundry, I'll come here and and post like I'm doing now while she takes a nap, I take her on walks and listen to my iPod and just lose myself in whatever music I'm in the mood for at the time-and other little "tricks" throughout the day for me to be able to "be" an adult while taking care of, playing with and raising my sweet precious baby girl
You know what was funny-yesterday I was feeling so tired in the early evening, but she had had her nap and was wide awake and it wasn't quite dinner time, so we were "playing", and for some reason, she thought it was fun to roll her toys on my legs. So, I tried something-I stretched out on the floor, on my side, and found that I could get a pretty decent back rub from a 14 month old!
It really did feel good! When she started to get interested in something else, I'd try to lure her back with a new toy to run on me!
The things we discover......
Anyway, at the end of each and every day, I'm ready to have some "adult time" at night and when I give her her bottle and rock her, kissing her sweet forehead the whole time, I then walk out of her nursery and see her high chair, a toy, some of her clothes in the laundry, and I miss her so much, even knowing she's in the next room sleeping. I'd been looking forward to either reading, getting online for a while, watching a movie or what have you, but I see her things, then look at her sleeping on the video monitor and I just want to go back in there and pick her up and hold her again
Stay at home moms have to get creative alot when it comes to daily activities so everyone stays entertained, stimulated, sane....
But I think we're all so thankful for being in the position we're in to be able to be where we are
Like Patti I found it very hard to make friends with people locally. I used to be a very social person before I got married and had kids and I found it very difficult to find an outlet that allowed me be in contact with other people. Working from home with other moms has definately helped with that.
I am one of the few for which it WASN'T a choice. My daughter is severely developmentally disabled and daycare for her after school is impossibly expensive. I can tell you the hardest part is the boredom. After the housework is done and errands are run, you find yourself at a loss for what to do between the school bus pick-up/drop-off. I am into every craft under the sun but I still miss the everyday interaction you get at the office. I have looked into a part-time job during school hours but with a disabled child, it is really difficult to find a employer who will let you leave or stay home at the drop of a hat when you need to. I also have a 16 year old son who has ADHD and Depression for whom I am currently dealing with the school district regarding the proper intervention and placement for. Needless to say, I have to be available 24/7 but I am not needed ALL that time and it can get pretty boring.
Teresa
Teresa
Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat thier young
Hey Teresa,
Have you ever thought about starting up a home business?? Having a home business allows you to make your own schedule and is super flexible. It would give you something to do with the time you have after your normal things are done and you're waiting for school to get out and give you some $$$ in your pocket. There are a ton of great options out there, you would just have to find the right opportunity for you. When I started working from home, I was looking to make some extra $$$, I didn't realize I would also be getting some fantastic daily interaction with other moms. I've made some amazing friends since I started working from home, something I didn't expect but am completly thankful for. If you haven't thought about it before, you should explore some options! I'd be very happy to share with you what I do.
Rebecca
Actually, I have a business plan ready for an at home business but I am just not ready to take that leap yet. The economy isn't right yet for me to start the business that I want to start. I don't have a load of start up money so I want to make the most of things and with the economy on the downslide, I really feel I need to wait. The service industry is really struggling so I am just kind of in a holding pattern for now. I really don't want to go into retail as my personality isn't condusive to sales (believe me, I have tried it and it is really uncomfortable for me
). I am more of a teacher so that is what I need to do. Honestly, the money isn't the issue. It is more the daily interaction that I miss. THANK GOD for the internet. I spend a lot of time on these kinds of sites and Facebook and that really helps. Also, with H1N1 going around and the difficulty of finding the vaccine, I have found that I kind of need to stay a little isolated so that I can stay healthy. With one child with CP, one with moderate Asthma and a dh with no health ins, I need to make sure that I stay healthy in case something happens to one of them and I need to take care of them. Thanx for replying though, it is nice to talk to other SAHMs.
Teresa
Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat thier young
What business plan do you have if you don't mind me asking??? I always like to hear what others are doing. There are so many things out there
I'm with you on the H1N1 and doing our best to stay healthy. I can't imagine not having health ins. that has got to be hard, especially having health concerns in the family. We are very fortunate that my husbands job offers health ins.
You know you may be interested in where I shop for my household necessities. Reason being is that all the products are developed to be healthier for people because they don't contain any harsh or harmful chemicals like bleach or ammonia, etc. I actually have a friend who's whole family used to suffer pretty badly from asthma and allergies and found a huge improvement in their condition by simply switching their everyday products. No more nebulizers and steroid meds. Only a back up inhaler for very occasional use. My dh used to suffer really badly from allergies until I switched stores 1 1/2 years ago, since then he has only had two allergy attacks and they both happened at work. There is so much more I can tell you about the health benefits and the money saving benefits of switching stores but to type it would take half the day.
If you are interested I would love to fill you in and give you more detailed info on the products and the store. You can email me if you like : rebeccamalcolm@live.com
Switching stores was the absolute best shopping decision I've made for my family, health and money wise!
Rebecca
My business plan is for Professional Organization for families with disabled kids. I have one with ADHD and one with Autism as well as growing up with a brother with ADHD, Dyslexia, Neurological issues and mental issues so I instinctively know what works and what doesn't to make the day run smoothly. Not to mention 10 years as an executive secretary for individuals AND large groups. I also lived with a packrat for years (my mother) and know what it takes to purge and organize for "collectors". However, in this economy, people just don't have the expendable income to pay someone to do this and I am not willing to do it for free. So, I am just studying and refining my business plan until things get better and people have the money to invest in this kind of service.
As for the asthma, David isdoing much better now that we switched him to Singular for his allergies. His asthma tends to be allergy related so getting this under control has made all the difference. I would LOVE to get him on a better diet but being a teenage boy, that is all but impossible so all I can do is is all I can do
The thing that really gets his asthma going is cold, damp weather in January and February and there really isn't much I can do about that. Thank goodness my dh is the only one in the household without health ins and he is VERY healthy (knock on wood) so we are mostly covered.
Teresa
Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat thier young
Awesome plan! I'm sure once the economy turns around you will definitely do well with your Professional Organization business! Gald to hear you have David's asthma under control. Good luck with the better diet! Teenagers are fun!
My girls (8 and 6) love to play on the computer. Most of what they like focuses on fashion, which really concerns me! The Barbie website is all about clothes, make-up, hair style... I now HATE Barbie!! Can anyone suggest some websites that they will enjoy but are educational? Or at the very least, not focused on looks? My girls have a broad variety of interests including science.
What I like most about being a SAHM is that I can go all of their school functions. My mother never came to any of that stuff, and it bothered me. I want my kids to know how important they are to me and that I want to be there as much as I can. I see how much some of the working moms struggle with feeling guilty about missing class parties, etc, and I am grateful that I have a husband who gets how important it is to me to be home with our kids. It's also important to him, and that makes me love him even more than I do.