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Single first time mother
I am 25 yr old first time expecting mother. I have been in a 2 year relationship. It has been difficult because we live in seperate states, though only about 20 miles apart. I had chosen to keep the baby while he strongly had urged to abort it because we are not financially ready. He goes to school full-time on unemployment while I work full-time therefore, am financially responsible for everything.
It has been a stressful, exciting pregancy-more stressful. Because this wasn't planned and I'm not married it's been hard to have that happy pregnancy that everyone always talks about. I get plenty of support from family, but am looking for support of those who maybe have experienced the same.
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Hey I am a single mom also. I've been in my relationship for 3 years. I have a 5 almost 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I just found out I am expecting and my boy friend also urged for an abortion. He is working and we live together but he just got the job and we're just making it by. I know how you feel and it hurts when you don't fully have the support of someone you love. Even though he's warming up to the though of being a dad he's completely scared so it's tough. Just hang in there. Thing's will fall into place and if he truely loves you he will come around.
Thank you. It is important that I get support from him, even though I have support from my family. I am very grateful for my family because I know that they won't let me fall. I guess it's just when I gave him the choice to stay or go and he chose to stay that I expect 100% out of him and he's hardly giving me 50%. We're both young, but I think it's time to step up, especially when I'm almost half way there. Thanks so much for your comment, it is very comforting to know that there are people out there going through the same thing. And congratulations on your expected little one!
i can totally identify with u. I am an 18 year old single pregnant woman and I find it hard to consider or even see myself in the future as having a "happy pregnancy."
To me a happy pregnancy consists of financial stability and the father being at least somewhere in the picture. The father of my unborn child, (i don't know whether its a boy or girl yet,) used to physically abuse me and threatened my life and my family's lives quite often. A part of me wonders how can I be happy about bearing something that came from such a miserable man, but I guess it's all about your mindset. This is MY baby, and I am happy about that. Although I don't have the support from the father or his family, I do have MY family's support which i am grateful of, because some new mothers dont even have that much.
I'm so sorry for what the father has put you through. It definitely puts things in perspective for me. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship before, maybe not to the degree as yours, but can appreciate what I have now. I agree that it is about your mindset. My mom always tells me you're as happy as you want to be, but support from the one you love makes things so much easier because it's something you should share together-the life of a new person should be celebrated between the two of you. I guess when it hits my boyfriend and he realizes that this is really happening maybe things will come together. Congratulations to you as well!
"support from the one you love makes things so much easier"
man i bet it does! i totally agree with you on that one.
i guess i'll just have to celebrate with someone else! lol
thanks chick.....how far along are you now??
Please, don't look at that child as a part of him. Look at this child as yours, a blessing and possibly your savior. Without children created in these circumstances, I often wonder how many women would leave their abusive relationships. Thank you for deciding to keep your child, and I hope being a mom keeps you strong enough to avoid other abusive relationships.
Wifey04
My mom was a teenage mom, only briefly married to my dad, and single for many years...just the 2 of us. You are older than she was, so I assume you are more mature and have more patience. I have another friend with a story similar to yours, though their relationship was much more brief. Don't allow yourself to direct your frustrations to your child, be consistant in your routine and discpline (yes, you will have to discpline that tiny arrival). If you have anyone, father or friend, try to have a male influence in your childs life.
You are worried, which means you will do fine.
Wifey04
i became pregnant during my Senior year in college. I delivered my daughter less than a month before my 22nd birthday. Now, nearly 20 years later - with lots of incredibly happy times to lesson the pains of financial struggle - I realize how glad I am that made the not-so-popular decision to keep my child. My daughter will graduate this spring from my own alma mater (yes I went back to finish) and she's wonderful. I look around at friends who chose not to give birth, and many of them regret it. I have absolutely no regrets. Here's our story: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21982216/
That's me in the brown and the story is about the business of black women.
I think you lost me when you stated you were pregnant to someone who you are "STILL" in a realtionship with? ( this person wanted you to abort this life the two of you made together?)
Ladies....seriously think about this...OK!
If that person REEEALLY loved you...HOW could they expect you to abort? That just doen't make any sense to me? I am sorry....but congradulations on your desire to keep the baby!! :-)
I remember an expression that Oprah Winfrey made awhile back and it has stuck in my BRAIN! "REAL LOVE...should NEVER HURT!"
I became a single mom 9 years ago to a man I was MARRIED to and after I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis...he decided to find a woman a year younger then me on the internet....needless to say...after many attempts to salvage this infidelity-damaged-realtionship....almost a year later....I HAD to file for the divorce!
Being a single mom...was more challenging than what I anticipated it would be; although, somehow...someway...'I with the HELP of the LORD" and friends who cared about me...I DID IT!" I am PROUD to say....I am STILL haging in there...ALONE...yes....but something I know deep in my heart is: I would rather be ALL ALONE and feel alone...then to be IN a relationship and STILL feel ALONE!! ( If that makes any sense at all to you? LOL)
There is a book I read that really opened my eyes years ago...the book was written by a man and it's called:
"He's REALLY not that into YOU!"
I suggest you read that book! It will open your eyes to the fact that if someone won't do simple things we ask them to do...we hafta realize..."HEY! They REALLY don't LOVE ME!"
Just a suggestion! :-)
i went through exactly what u are now goin through.... i am a 22year old single mother (soon to be 23) and i went through my whole pregnancy all alone doctors appointments ultra sounds and all alone without her father. Jus like u i had the support from my family but its jus not the same of having that support from the father. I didnt have the happy go lucky pregnancy either that everyone talks about but i kept my head up and made the best of it ... now i have a beautiful lil girl who means the world to me and i wouldnt change it for the world....
With saying that keep your head up and its all worth it in the long run ....if u ever need anyone to talk to i am here