The Scary Aftermath of Maternity Leave
Alright, so, my husband and i have been married for a year and half now and have started talking about having a baby. I really want a baby and have wanted a baby for a long long time so talking about it is really exciting even though he doesn't seem all that excited about it. I think it's because of the dramatic reality of it all. For example there are really desitute people out there that have 4 to 5 kids if not more and they dont have any money. We've gone over the finances of it all and it costs A LOT of money so how on earth do they DO it?
But what I really want to stress is (and this is a kink in our talks that we cant figure out financially and emotionally) after you've had your baby, you go on maternity leave (that we plan on saving up for) and it's about six weeks long and you now have a six week old baby. When you have to go back to work (and we need two incomes so I have to go back to work) then what do you DO?
I've logically thought about this and the only logical solution that I can come up with is daycare. But there you are, your baby is six weeks along in this life, and suddenly you're throwing him into strangers at daycare?! Six weeks! I work in a preschool, I've worked in a daycare and I know what its like, it's not bad, but the thought of my future child bonding with another woman absolutely makes me more than a little upset. I mean we send our puppy to daycare and that's still upsetting. Lots of moms with infant children go back to work, that french woman did after two weeks, so .....what? I want to have a baby, I want to have two incomes, I need to have two incomes, but I dont want my baby being handled by strangers full time 5 days a week.
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4 Comments
America is pretty much the worst country in supporting women in raising a family. We have spent the last three years with one income and it has been pretty challenging. I am so determined to stay at home that I have been studying how I can work from home with online marketing. It is not easy, but it beats going back to work as a RN and all the shift work etc.
Best of Luck, you are smart to be thinking of this now as it is possible to maybe start getting a supplemental income before you have your baby.
Emma
http://emmashealthandwealth.com
This is why so many women are desperate to find work at home type situations and why they're so easily scammed. It's an emotional issue. You can end up feeling bad either way.
What's important is to try to pull the emotion out of it as much as you can and think practically. If there's no way to afford a child without both of you working, you have to weigh day care over never having a child at all. To me, that's an easy answer. Millions of kids go to day care or have nannies and they grow up fine. It's not the ideal answer but it is what it is.
Don't overlook your own need to go back to work. Being home all day isn't all its cracked up to be when you're used to working. Some women crave the adult interaction, the stimulation. I like feeling like I had a brain in my head over changing diapers and feeding and daytime TV.
Working part-time might be the best solution. Minimizes the hours of care needed and though it might be tight, it will give you some financial relief and a break for you.
Good luck and don't let public opinion make you feel bad over whatever you have to do to support your family financially or emotionally.
It's good that you are thinking a lot of this through now. Cynthia did a good job of outlining some of the factors to consider, such as your mental health. Some women don't need the constant outside stimulation of a job and are perfectly happy being home full-time, whereas others would go completely apes if they stayed home. I found I was extremely happy in the first, oh, year and a half of staying home, (it helped that I had a strong network), because I found it very engaging to be involved with my baby's development. We got out of the house a lot, and we had friends to hang out with. My husband worked locally and could work from home sometimes so we had that too. It got much, much harder when we moved to a town where I had no friends, but I still didn't want to work for the time because we were trying to get my husband a job he really liked and figure out where we wanted to live permanently. (We're there now...and so much happier!)
So I eventually did get a part-time job working from home, but not until my daughter was almost 5. I have no regrets.
I want to add that many women and their spouses *think* they cannot afford for one to stay home when they really can. We were "fortunate" in the sense that my husband had been out of work for a time not long after we were married, so we knew we could function on one income. The thing is, we need to separate "wants" from "needs" and decide if we are willing to sacrifice some -- or lots -- of the "wants" in order to stay home. We delayed purhasing a home (we just bought our first), stopped eating out for the most part, gave up to-go coffees and instead made our own, and made a million other little sacrifices and some big ones (we've had only one true vacation in 5 years, but lots of minis -- and I think we were the original "staycationers", LOL!) It was HARD and there are times even now when we can't afford to do things we want. But to me -- to us -- it's been well worth the sacrifice. I was actually to a point of nearly having panic attacks when it was close to time for me to go back to work. I thought I'd be fine, but I REALLY did not want to leave my daughter with a stranger either. I would have been heartbroken. So we found a way to make it work.
As for intellectual stimulation, there are many ways to do that. Getting out with friends (it's especially beneficial to keep some who don't have kids!), reading, online forums, and just getting time for yourself are key.
I really think that we can each be creative and find solutions that work best for our families. I know a couple families where the mom and dad both work part-time so that their kids are never without one parent. I know another where the mom worked as a nanny when her daughter was a baby (she had been doing it for years already) and sold hand-sewn clothing and dolls on the side. Her husband works from home, which allows her the time to do the sewing still (she's not nannying anymore). And then there are the work-from-home jobs. Now is a good time to research options and maybe think of ways you can work from home legitimately. I was working as an editor before I got pregnant and have done some writing, so I knew I could work as a freelancer down the road. The point is, there is no one-size-fits all solution -- but there ARE tons of options!! Think positive, and know in your heart that you can always supplement your family's income if need be, should you happen to decide to stay home.
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...
P.S. When doing the math to figure out if you can really afford to stay home or not, don't forget to factor in the cost of daycare, not to mention work clothes, transportation, meals, and any other daily/weekly/monthly costs associated with work. If you and your husband start living from a budget now, you might be surprised to find there's not as much difference as you think when you factor in all those costs. He might be able to make up the difference with a raise, etc. The budget is key. Start doing one NOW! Best of luck to you!
Patti
SAHM in SoCal and administrator of the Sleep Forum group, http://www.mothersclick.com/group/sleep-forum and Tri-Counties Moms, http://www.mothersclick.com/moms-club/tri-counties-moms-sb-ventura-slo-c...