Hi Marissa,

My husband was hesitant to start a family after we were married too. He had just finished grad school and I thought it would be a good time, but he wanted to wait until we felt a little more established first. And we did wait, because I did not want to find myself in a situation with a husband who resented having a child "too soon" by his standards. I do believe that both parents should really be ready and on board or it might create problems down the road.

That said, there were pros and cons to us waiting. We got to spend several great years in a big city, just the two of us. We had lots of time to spend with friends, go to concerts, travel a little, throw parties, etc. I am so glad that we have those years to look back on. We had tons of fun. Everything changes when the baby comes and it's nice to have those years with just your partner to remember. And of course you'll make special memories as a family too, but your marriage is the heart of your family and it needs to be nurtured, so having a strong core helps.  

But we had our first child when I was 32, and though I wouldn't change it, I do believe I would have had a lot more energy when I was younger. And we weren't truly "settled" before we had her, truth be told. We both had good jobs, though not especially high-paying. But we decided once the baby came that I would stay home, and in order to make that happen, my husband had to get a higher-paying job. He did, and we moved to the suburbs, but he was extremely unhappy in his job and we were both unhappy in the area where we were living. So we knew we had to make a change, and that involved my husband switching not only jobs but industries, a job that fell through at the last minute, prompting us to live with his mom for awhile (yikes!), and finally relocating to an area very near where we both grew up.

So the lesson from that is: there is never any "perfect" time to have a child. We knew that on some level, but you can think things are going just as planned but life has something different in mind. :)

My advice is to continually talk over this stuff with your husband. Talk about where you both see yourselves in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years. What kinds of jobs will you have? Will you stay home when you do have a child? Will he? Or will you both work? Will you be able to afford to have a child (if you're both working remember to factor in childcare) at your current salaries and in your current location, or will you have to move or switch jobs? Talk it out, talk it out, talk it out. And make sure you do stress to him how much you are looking forward to a family, but also respect his wishes and his point of view.

You have to know yourself and how long you are willing to wait. I was willing to wait for awhile because I liked my job and was enjoying our time in the city, and I truly have no regrets. You may feel differently, and the two of you will have to work out a compromise.

As with everything in a marriage, communication is key. And that should be ongoing. I will say that though we've had some stressful times, my marriage after 9 years feels just as strong now as in the beginning. We always keep the lines of communication open and are not EVER afraid to tell each other how we really feel, and we respect one another's opinions and desires and always try to find the middle ground.

Good luck to you!! It will all work out.