Feeling like I'm not myself lately....
So, between all the crying, and screaming, and feeling like my life is completely over I feel like I have multiple personality disorder. I mean here I am 28 weeks along expecting our little girl in the beginning of April and I should be excited right? Lately though I am just feeling very down and depressed, and even sometimes just hating being pregnant. Then I feel bad for even thinking that and apologize to my growing belly for being so selfish. My husband says that he is going nuts because he has to deal with me all the time. I stay at home, which was my choice, b/c I want to be able to be home with our daughter, and let's face it, this pregnancy has been no cake walk for me. I live in Tampa, FL which is over 1,000 miles away from my friends and my family, but most important my mother. I am unbelievably lonely and feeling like I have no real friends here in Tampa. I mean all the girls who used to claim that we were such "good friends" have gone into hiding since my first trimester. They are younger than me and into going out to the clubs and partying, a lifestyle that I will no longer be so involved with anymore. I love my daughter so much, and am so looking forward to meeting her in person. I get so excited and even teary eyed still when I go for check ups and hear her heart beat. I just feel so alone right now, and almost like I am cut off from any other human contact besides my daughter who loves to kick me in the ribs right now! I guess this is just a cry out to anyone out there who may be feeling as I do or has gone through this before. Am I a bad person for feeling this way? Is this normal? Why is it that my husband thinks it is okay to make stupid cracks about my mood swings when he knows I can't control how I feel right now? I feel crazy and just need some advice, and maybe some friends to talk to in my neck of the woods. So if anyone out there hears my cry, please help...... 
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13 Comments
HI THERE IM NEW HERE AND YOUR BLOG IS THE FIRST THING I SAW WHEN I TYPED "SAD". I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOUR FEELING AND IM IN THE SAME STATE AS MY "FAMILY"! I MOVED TO IDAHO 2 YEARS AGO AND I FELT SOO LOST AND HELPLESS.I WAS ONLY THERE FOR 6 MONTHS BUT THE OVER WHELMING ANXIETY IS INSANE!! WE MOVED BACK TO CALI AND NOW I WISH I COULD GET AWAY FROM MY SO CALLED FAMILY AND FRIENDS.ALSO I USED TO GO OUT AND DRINK AND PARTY AND NOW THAT I DON'T IT SEEMS THAT NOONE GIVES A S****! im soo depressed and lonely and don't understand why i can't find a true,honest person?sorry about the writing but i don't feel like retyping it! lol! i hope things get better for you and if you ever need to vent please email me at [SEND A PRIVATE MESSAGE]. life is like a roller coaster and your on the bottom slope right now.take care of yourself and your babies.
shawdie
Hey! You're not alone. I'm also here in Tampa, 1000 miles from my friends and family. I have a soon to be three year old daughter (Feb 15) and a sixteen month daughter. I completely understand what you are feeling, I too have meltdowns. In fact, I had one Saturday. I'm not proud to admit it. I also feel like a bad mom sometimes. Fortunately, I have a super husband that is a great daddy too. But, somedays, like today, he isnt "plugged in" and I feel like i'm doing everything all alone. It's a bad feeling. I called a friend of mine from up north and told her I think I am not right in the head. Sometimes I think I need help. So, please dont cry and I'll try not to either! I hope you get to read this. If you would like to talk, I could use a friend also, my email address is [SEND A PRIVATE MESSAGE]. I hope today you are having a good day! Maybe tomorrow will be even better.
Renee
Hi,
I am the mother of a 3 year old boy.
When I was pregnant I was left completely alone. I could no longer do the things that my "friends" did, like skiing, night outs drinking and dancing.
So I was left alone and scared.
I wasn't happy, I htink is hard to love when you are not happy. I didn't exactly love my unborn son at the time and guilt would set in intensely. Once I had him, I still needed to "connect" with him, it took a while, he felt like demanding stranger.
3 years later I love him more than life itself.
I think we are made to feel like we should be in this bliss-like state, some are but is also true that some are not, and you should be ok with that, its natural too.
Hormones, worries and loneliness can cause you to feel like this.
Watch a movie called "Waitress", I can't recommended it enough. I wish it was out when I was pregnant, it answered so many questions I had then.
Try to join a mommy group, it can be daunting specially after being alone for so long, try a few until you find the one that suits you.
This is a time when you should not be alone.
Contact me at [SEND A PRIVATE MESSAGE].
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Yagini
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Hi there,
I totally get what you are feeling. When I had my son and stopped working those that I called friends were no where. I was home alone hoping for the phone to ring just once. I than moved out of Florida to Colorado and that was hard too. We moved for a better life but I had no help or family around. However, I did find the mom's club in my area and met nice women.
Being pregnant is hard and uncomfortable so it is okay to feel the way you feel. Anyone that has been pregnant knows you love that baby. Once you have the baby it is key to get out of the house and meet moms in your area.
Try to find the moms club in your area of Tampa. They will be there for you even at this point of your pregnancy.
Hang in there and take care
Hey cheeractin, I hope you are feeling better today. I saw your blog and I couldn't help to post something for you. You are not alone, I too have gone through what you are feeling right now and when I had my son there was nobody around to help me out, only my husband. I live in Miami, Fl and have tons of family here and they all dissappeared for 6 weeks after I had my son through c-section. You'll see how you will manage, remember your hormones are out of wack right now and it is normal to feel like this. Please feel free to email me if you need a shoulder to cry on or just to vent. I believe that online support groups are very helpful and I strongly suggest everyone out there to join in to give support to this mommy to be.
Stay strong and we'll be in touch.
Cheer up!!!
I was in a similar situation two years ago. My husband and I had moved to Atlanta from California with no friends or family. I had a 15 month old son at the time and was expecting my little girl. I took my little boy to My Gym a couple of times a week and there I met another Mom in my situation. It's important to have another you can share your feelings and concerns with and know they are there to help. My sincerest advice, GET OUT! Join a Mom to Be Yoga class or take some pre-natal classes. Most importantly TAKE CARE OF YOU! Communication, communication, communication with your husband is of the up most importance. Be sincere with him, if he's hurting you feelings by some of his comments address it with him in a non accusatory manner. After the baby is born don't hole yourself up in your house get out regularly. Have your husband watch the baby and take a 30 minute walk, go shopping, anything! I wish I had followed this advice after my daughter was born. My husband was traveling all the time 4 or 5 times a week. I thought I can do this on my own... boy was I wrong! I wound up with a good case of postpartum depression. Never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. I wish you the best on this great new adventure. Embrace your circumstances and blaze the trail for your happiness.
I want to thank you all so much for your support. Things are getting better with me, and I was just having a major meltdown I think. Something I have just gotten used to happening in my crazy state of mind right now. hehehehehe. You all are so sweet, and I will not hesitate to contact you if I ever just need a shoulder to cry on. And just to let any of you know that I am a great listener if any of you ever need anything.
I am glad you are feeling much better. Remember that everyday is different and we will have some good and bad days, it happens to all of us sweety. Thank you for updating your status, I'm sure some of us were already wondering. Stay strong and good luck with that baby.
Rosa
Hi! You are not alone! I felt the same way 3 months ago before my second little boy was born! Now, with the approach of my 30th birthday, a move to a different state, a new baby, and my 5 year going to school for the first time I am experiencing a whole different kind of down.....I sure hope you feel better!